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| Male guardians lock up your female wards, Putin is bringing Slavic manliness to American Spring Break!!! |
In a Swayze inspired move Russian supreme leader and sex primate, Vladimir "The Iron Fist that Clutches the Throat of the West" Putin is going on a Caribbean arm wrestling tour during spring break, while reasserting soviet era soft power in the region, and pursuing his favorite past time, challenging American hegemony..
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| Hope I catch a shirt, just kidding!!! [awkward wink] |
In his late march early April tour, the Ex-KGB Oligarch will arm wrestle state approved opponents while outwardly hawking his personally branded vodka, while secretly arranging weapons shipments to central American Drug Cartels, Narco-Terrorists, and separatists, not because he needs the money, but to @#$% with America, and because guns are cool.
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| [whisper] If you win, I will kill you, by electrocuting you, through your testicles, while your family watches, while they are being electrocuted, through their genitals |
The super cool, not gay, entirely democratically elected conqueror of the Crimea will parlay his social acumen into friendships with the wayward children of American politicians, military leaders, and officials of state after they have been compromised by Russian Intelligence in the guise of a sex workers, because he's the kind of friend who will help you get rid of a body, but will never let you forget that he knows how to get rid of a body.