Clinton's Table Talks: 2nd Amendment

She will rid the Fatherland of every last "Super-predator"

Marwan! Marwan! Marwan!

Marwan Barghouti continuing to resist Israel by farting in the prison transport on a 90 degree day

Mustafa Barghouti, or as his older more famous and violent cousin Marwan like's to call him " The Proctologist", after insinuating his impotence and somehow reminding him that he won a position from jail that Mustafa himself had failed to attain, could be seen turning beet red and visible steam, seemingly under pressure to the point that he began making tea pot like noises, after hearing that Palestinians around the globe and the nation of Tunisia have backed Marwan, who is currently serving five consecutive life sentences for masterminding three terrorist attacks that killed 5 civilians, for the Nobel Peace prize, a prize Mustafa had been nominated for  in 2010 by Mairead Maguire, who said he deserved the award because " A prize to Barghouti would be a recognition of not only his great spirit of peace and nonviolence, but also the Palestinian Nonviolent Movement, which gives us all hope for the future of Palestine, Israel and the Middle East Community"  while Marwan's own brother, Maqbel, described Marwan as "a naughty and rebellious boy". In fact when Mustafa heard the campaign is also backed by Adolfo Perez Esquivel, an Argentine human rights activist, pacifist and writer who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1980, he became so enrage and consumed by jealousy  that he exploded, leaving himself singed and seething. As of now Mustafa has locked himself in his room and is promising to never come out again.

Bill Clinton to rock out with his.... WAAA!?!?!?

He's opening his ideological fly and letting his politics out

After spending the last... lets say...50 days, stumping for Hillary to ensure that New York Democrats wouldn't embarrass Hillary, like he has done so many times before; Bill feels like he can finally let it all out. Now that the popular will has been all but obliterated he plans to once again make his genitals front and center in the face of American politics. While already focus testing just how much infidelity he would be able to get away with, both on the campaign trail and hypothetically, in the white house, he has been seen in public "accidentally" letting his penis come into view. A staffer at the Clinton Foundation, who wished to remain anonymous, because that's what they are into, said " Oh, yeah, since they wrapped up New York his penis is all he can talk about, and he has definitely been testing the waters as far as how much he can show without creating waves".

Clinton describes, in details both minute and figurative, the exact dimensions and  qualities of his genitals, and how they have changed over the last 15 years, to the Pittsburgh chapter of the Special Libraries Association (SLA)

   While Millennials, who have overwhelmingly flocked to Sen. Sanders, might not remember just how big of a deal Bill Clinton's Penis is to this nation, most Americans will never be able to forget it. While it had always been an important part of his bad boy charm, Bill Clinton's Penises greatest moment was in 1998 when it was detailed in every publication in the nation, was on the lips of every commentators, it was reviewed by congress, it was even the entire subject of many a late night monologue, to say the least, his Penis had never been bigger. While it has diminished greatly in the last decade and a half of playing second fiddle to his wife's ambition, little slick willy is stirring once again, and no one wants it seen more then Bill who has hired a Transgender "make up artist" to help present it in the best possible light, and just engorged enough to be presentable, an apparent nod to the LGBTQ community, or he just likes his cosmetics both ways.
  While campaigning in Philadelphia the former president shocked crowds as he moved away from the podium as his gussied up glans were unveild for all to see, and his make up artist, who had been preparing him the last 15 minutes from inside the podium, was finally allowed a sigh of relief. The former president then did a brief, carefree dance, kicked his heels, followed by ten minutes of tap-dancing, before stuffing it back in and walking off stage to wild applause.

Hot dog comedian skewers politicians, Sanders and Trump both require stitches

"Don't you just hate it when you have pinned a state Senator to a bar floor with your over-sized BQQ prong [laughter] No! no, my weapon, you guys are gross, but anyway, you ask him "Do you believe in G-d" and the as-h-le pauses to think, is that really something an adult politician could truthfully ignore their whole life!? No! Of course not! The jerk is just trying to figure out which answer will save his life, some people are so fake."

Wiener Town, NY - The ever living folk creature "Hot Dog Boy" has made his return after a 40 year absence to plague politicians with biting satire, sarcasm, and the threat of impalement. Working under vague Salem protocols the cursed creation of meshed parts, intestinal casings, and bread made of highly processed super gluten, the nitrite fueled sausage's behavior, having been recorded in Iroquois tapestries and early wood prints as"Hot Dog Boy" has been pardoned throughout history, and to attempt to bring him to trial would release "Hell's Snack bar". Last night, Hot Dog Boy held up a Democratic fundraiser along with his "Tube meat Gang" made up of armed, cursed, hot dog vendors who had sold their souls to the King of Condiments for a perfect corner, and impaling Secretary Clinton, who still very much alive, had been dipped in cornmeal and was about to be deep fried when the "Son of the Cajun",  the teenage crime fighter and heir to the late "The Cajun", burst in firing rock salt into his already sodium rich target till he dissipated promising revenge in the form of a gassy political limerick about farts and intentions, but we all knew what he meant.