Scandinavian submarine murder, what you need to know

While most people like to claim that Submarines history began somewhere between the the late 18th and 19th century, in truth, like North American colonization, it began in the 8th century by vikings. plying the seas in their Koskind-boble, trading, hunting, and of course murdering people, especially balladeers who got in their way. The proud tradition of private submarine ownership and operation, though unknown to non-vikings/Scandinavians, is a secret brotherhood of ancient submariners whose greatest sacrosanct truth is that loose lips sink ships, and that lye pickled Greenland shark is just about the most wonderful thing you've ever heard about a human putting in their mouth, the beloved Kaestur Hakarl, making up an obscene portion of these Odin worshiping, under-sea exploring, paranoid murderers of the Baltic and North Atlantic's diet.

What started as a love for mildly toxic shark meat, led to a murderous obsession

90% of Submarine Murder investigators, and 70% dolphins trying to pass as humans agree, Scandinavian Submarine murders are woefully under-reported, and generally attributed to "The Kraken", which is also the call sign for a Ham-Radio Operator on a pirate submarine operating off the coast of Iceland, who spends his winters murdering loud people, and snowmobile operators. Like whale songs their ghostly chorus's of "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" can be heard from thousands of miles away, but any one of them whoever speaks of it is dismembered and jettisoned.

It is more of a metaphor than a practical device

While most people would like to believe submarines where built with noble intention, to better understand dolphins, and perhaps sell them textiles, but thanks to German intervention the 1000-year arc of Scandinavian Submarine development, so much of it secret and unknown to anyone, and of course the Germans focused on the murder aspect of it (Yes, Americans had built submarines, but they where whimsical machines of martial folly, not tools of mass destruction) and from 1914 till now, that is what it is best known for, like how the Secret Service is supposed to be all about combating fraud and counterfeiting, but instead wastes all their resources on protecting famous and influential politicians, the primary use of the Submarine became state sponsored murder!

Now, as Peter Madsen, a name I would have chosen if I was inventing a pale methodical murderer from a North Atlantic nation, has murdered a journalist on his submarine, and now the world cares. Perhaps now the world will finally look at the "Non-Existent" world of privately, psychopath, owned submarines roving the North Atlantic... and occasionally the Mediterranean.

Bannon Out! Zionist, Muslim, terrorists obviously to blame

Stephen "KKK" Bannon has done for the Republican Party what Michael Moore would have done for the Democratic party, if Hillary Clinton had appointed him to be her chief strategist, creating pure oratorical bile in his partisan cauldron as he cackles nonsensical talking points and rhetorical puss. Unfortunately for the Republican party, they won the Presidency, and missed out on being able to confront Hillary Clinton, in the national spotlight, for four whole years, imagine the fun they could have had,  since everyone hates her. Of course the most endearing aspect of the Trump Presidency is his Alt-Right proclivities that are giving Mitch McConnell face palm tan-lines, and the whimsical goblin king of them all was the "Bannonator!"as he insisted certain staffers called him, while he insisted others "Never @#$%en look at me! Eyes down before I throw my coffee at them!". He would come in every day smelling of cheap scotch and car-airfresheners that he rubbed on himself to cover up the smell of scotch, and what he hoped was his own piss, ready to do his job, shout racial and religious invectives, and let anything in a skirt know that they are "too pretty to work in a place like this" while smacking and licking his scotch encrusted lips, and scratching himself.

"Daddy likes num-nums"

How could such a perfect creature, just magical, a dream come true, the alt-right  messiah, so how could he be gone, especially if Trump is also a perfect alt-right messiah? It is an Alt-Right mystery! The answer of course is that a Muslim-Zionist terrorist plot targeting "Action Bannon" has been underway for centuries, he postulates from a storage locker with a wrecked couch, scattered scotch empties, and a piss jug, which he referred to as his "Man-Shack". This conspiracy is also responsible for cock-blocking him, making him late for work, and spilling scotch on him right before important meetings and family events, he said while striping down to his soiled undergarments to "Let the wind do its work", while regularly passing gas. The Afro-Zionist Jihadis not only poisoned the mind of the President, made his scotch disappear while he is "Sleeping", and convinced every women he has ever loved to leave him, they also abduct young innocent Christians for their blood, which fuels their powers. At that point, deep in the "Scotch Fever", and waving a firearm, a sobbing Bannon made this reporter promise to tell his tale, before crawling up on his couch to work through the onset of a scotch induced coma, and of course, shitting himself.

Prophecy of the Scarab or The Scarab Prophecy, can Trump choose?

Part of the question is if the commander and chief maintains any control over himself, even just the ability to override them for only a moment, to save his daughter, and possibly redeem himself, or is he an unaware husk, a hollowed out meat puppet being controlled by a colony of evolved, eusocial scarabs.

The world does not end with a bang, but with a gurgle...of @#$%

Of course the differences between the prophecies are largely a matter of perspective, with "Prophecy of the Scarab" being a human prophecy of the coming, hyper-evolved dung beetle, and "The Scarab Prophecy" being a collected and redacted prophecy of the ancient scarabs to dung producing species, with a special emphasis on humans and bovines. The former prophecy includes arcane methods to dramatically deal with the rise of the scarab, while the later basically outlines how the Ancient Scarabs will farm us for our shit. So, I guess they are really different in content as well, the subject of "Scarab" is really the only common link.

Copies of the The Scarab Prophecies have been widely printed in many different languages and are handed out freely in pamphlet form by acolytes of the scarab, and religiously themed readings and sing along readings are often offered in many larger cities for The Lazy and Illiterate, a trade guild  supported financially and spiritually by the acolytes of the Scarabs and the Council of Ancient Scarabs, with additional funding provided by sympathetic secret societies across the globe.


Despite overlapping and and enmeshed goals with Donut(s) Party, Donut(s) Party wages a holy war against the coming of the Scarab, after the fiasco of Scarab Agents attempting to strong arm and blackmail the management of a local and beloved doughnut shop into seeding their donuts with Hyper-Evolved-Scarab larvae. The plot further thickened when it turned out it was a Potemkin donuts shop established in 1974 by the founders of Donut(s) Party as honey pot scheme to attract and eliminate rogue, heretic members of Donut(s) Party who hoped to incorporate Sadomasochistic punishment elements into Donut(s) Party events, and "Trap Doughnut" being placed along Sacrosanct Donuts purchased from a revered, local, non-chain donuts shop, as Donut(s) Roulette was banned in all its form during the "Hazy Summer of 71" when the true principles of Donut(s) Party where canonized. With it's isolated location in Wausau, Wisconson, and access to Antigo loam for the production of exceptional donuts grains, and a staff of aging but lovable, hippies, who just so happen to be secret OG Donut(S) Party Zealots, it seems like an ideal place to test the Doughnut related dispersal, whether it be pathological, ideological, or genetically engineered scarab larvae, so it has been maintained as Mecca for Doughnut purists, who will blissfully never now the true, darker purpose of the beloved "Manna Doughnuts Emporium", as a trap for those who threaten the purity of doughnuts, made all the more heinous by the fact that most hoped to do so for personal gain, like pissing in holy water.


So on that sweltering August night in 2015 when Russian agents of the Scarab attempted to strong-arm the Founder of Donut(s) Party, Horatio Monte'Claire, into putrefying his beloved doughnuts, with cursed mutant larvae, he butchered some on the spot, and with the help of Hmong Clansmen who had bound themselves to Monte'Claire in the 1980's, through vow, sacrifice and marriage, he took the rest into the woods for Arcane Donut(s) Party rituals of purification, and released them to their masters, shattered and reformed to spread the Gospel of Donut(s), and began Monte'Claire's obsessive search for the Codex of the Scarab, which is the only way to decipher  the Prophecy of the Scarab, which is written in Scarab Hieroglyphics by the Mad Coptic priest Cyril of Karnak in 628CE, began. The codex is currently being used by the Coptic Orthodox Church ostensibly to garner  concessions for their faith from nations and other faiths who are being targeted by the Scarab conspiracy, while they hold the upper hand, but also as a cathartic game of "keep-away" so the rest of the world can know what it is like to be held within the grasp of pitiless forces they have no control over.

Trump believed he would be transformed into an elegant and powerful Ancient Scarab, like Caitlyn Jenner times a thousand, and then he could do wrong in the eyes of the public, but the Scarabs lie endlessly and respect only power

So we must ask, can and will Trump choose to help Monte'Claire find codex and rid the world of the scarab menace, or as often happens, in a moment hubris, mistakenly thinks he can control them, only to have them turn on us in a moment of weakness, allowing the cycle to repeat, or will he be (or has been) swayed by the Scarab's promises to transform him into an ancient scarab, or has lost his freewill entirely to the song of the scarab, and works to implement The Scarab Prophecy. Only time, and random incoherent twitter rants will tell, and may G-d have mercy on us all.

Know Your Mob! Before it knows you...

Herd behavior got you down? Do crowds of angry people who hate you, for being you, make you upset? But still want to occasionally gang up on people, places, and things you hate with friends, family, "allies", and others who are caught in the spirit of the moment? Don't worry, that's just part of being an advanced social mammal, and as long you know your group dynamics, keep your nose down, stay in line, you'll be just fine.

Sure it's a riot, but of what variety, bread, police, race, religious, student, urban, sports etc.etc.? Or perhaps some blending of riots, the magenta of riots

Know your Crowd
Am I in a protest? Well. Are you being photographed? Is this still a protest? It should be noted that many things billed as peaceful protests often devolve...no? Your still just peaceably expressing your ideas? Can you loot in a protest? Are bludgeoning tools also the tool of the protester? Can I expect to be let off for my OUTRAGEOUS behavior based on the size and emotional nature of the crowd? Are all thing someone should be asking before they enter a crowd, and decide based on the nature of the crowd, and how much fun everyone in it is currently having.

You jumped in head first, and now this is how you're spending your night

Know your place in the crowd

It's alright to tell yourself that "You are the Alpha" in front of the bathroom mirror, or intimate it during obligatory sex, but in a crowd you have to be honest about your place in the pack and your ability to dominate others, or else you end up like Benito Mussolini circa April 28th, 1945. Remember, a crowd is like a beautiful women, on coke, with a small dog in her purse, drinking red bull and vodka out of a fountain cup, with misapplied make-up... and acting aspirations, so if you want to lead that @#$% show, fine, but most sensible folk understand that the real fun of a crowd is to submerge oneself in the group, rather than try to do something with a mass of unstable humanity. Being in a crowd is all about being "in", the ingroup, that and sticking it to those outgroup @$$holes, being yourself isn't how you establish a group paradigm.

Remember to have fun with it!

Of course, as always, the most important thing is to have fun with it, otherwise you are already dead and the people who hate you will be winning, and if you are like most Americans "Showing them All!" is the only thing keeping you going. Besides the obvious looting opportunities, and chances for relatively consequence free violence, it is also a chance to make friends for a moment and memories that will last a lifetime... no matter how much you drink.