To you crazy, enigmatic Russians…with Love!

Who the hell gave you the right! Of course as a G-d fearing American Family man I have a G-d given right to all that is mine, manifest destiny and all that Jazz, but you Russians? You are harsh breed running on a flammable mix of Class conflict, Vodka and strategic depth and trusting you with let’s say... The Ukraine, just for example, would be like trusting a starving cat with a lame mouse. How many nations greatest founding figure gets “the Terrible” deservedly in their title? Or have tried atheism as a national religion? Or defined a national strategy as let them invade the most fertile and populous portion of our country and then let the winter take care of them? None, that’s who, just you mother Russia in all your intense yet quick to fade beauty. Sure, we are like you in many ways, we go the whole sea to shiny sea thing going, though outside of the summer months could you really consider the Baltic shinning? And sure your society has traditionally had a democratic ting, though never in an ideological sense, more of a, to keep the competing factions from tearing each other’s throats out and then torching the opposing homesteads before we ourselves succumb to our wounds, kind of way.
Then again either Tartic or Native, we both realized the necessity of pacifying nomadic warlike tribes who we once feared, to further our national pride at the expense of their traditionally savage ways, yes, that’s an ethnic policy we can both agree on. Maybe it’s a Mongol thing, I can’t understand the Chinese for the life of me, just a upside down ant farm, maybe having someone able to rape 40,000 descendents into existence in three generations, conquer and subdue ones nation for almost three hundred years will have that effect on a national psyche, or maybe, just maybe you’re just a dark evil people, a primitive relic of our shared primordial Indo-European past like a Neanderthal Empire threatening our Cro-Magnon civilization, I think I saw a anime about that once and like a randy band of Shemale pirates attacking uptight and sexually repressed Japanese businessmen, high quality low frame rate animation is the highest form of chronological transcription, ah, History!
In short you are a enigma, and as Churchill put it, and yes you will be hearing a lot about him, the only key to your thinking is your blatant, blunt and uncomplicated national interests which seems to be centered around adding more buffer territory, planting more wheat and Potato’s and finding more ethnicities to further stratify your social hierarchy with. So let us camp out in some dismal sod hut, pop open a bottle of home distilled Vodka and fear impending Cossack raids together my friends and allow the horrible, feted, screaming waters of the past to flow under the bridge of our mutual distrust, my friend, my comrade.