How Trump became a "Candidate"

Misandrist and snobbish phonetics professor MD, PHd, etc. etc. will no longer throw his pasty soft hands in the air with frustration with the churlish and uncultured Trumps inability to learn cultured affectations. Seemingly originating in a wager with Trump that what separates the classes is speech, not money,  the Professor chose the biggest lost cause he could find, witnessing him first hand singing with coal lobbyists about how lovely it would be to do business without regulations, in addition to telling the professor that he could buy and sell him with what was in his pocket, the professor promised to turn him into the ideal candidate, and Trump was chosen because "He's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty."

I sold real estate; I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a candidate of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else

Trump for his part has done his best to follow the elderly professors elocution lessons, but came to chaif under his abrasive and unsympathetic tutelage, singing a long winded and aggressive song about how he would have exaggerated and childlike vengeance against the professor, but deep down he really wants to leave the churlish, smallhanded boy from queens behind and become a real American candidate. Just as all were about to give up he perfectly recited "The pain train will turn you into a greasy stain" to the amazement of all, then shouting out, inregards to the moment, that it was "yuuuge" before comically covering his mouth, the curtains come down, and the houselights come up for intermission.