Sasselbacks is open on Thanksgiving!

One thing anyone knows about the Sasselbacks is that they are hard working folk, who love two things, meat slow cooked to perfection, and having sex with their cousins. Whether it is a whole hog sizzling in their pit, or a good nature roll in the hay with a buck tooth childhood friend, the Sasselbacks have been doing it for generations, and do'in it right.

Interesting fact, according to the bible, we all descended from cousin @#$%ers

Opened  in 1903 by Elias and Jezebel Sasselback, of the West Virginian Sasselbacks serving pork and beef ribs, brisket, pulled pork, chicken thighs, a variety of homemade sides, and public displays of affection that where entirely out of place in that setting and era, and a relationship between cousins that was entirely inappropriate in most human communities, throughout time, but Sasselbacks will be Sasselbacks. From those early, unsanitary, and occasionally moist origins successive openings of the Sasselbacks in 7 states and Canada, family owned and run, have kept the family very busy.

Put it in your mouth

Have you had breakfast, if not you are OK, kind of stupid, but we still got you covered, Sasselbacks are now opened 24 hours a day and serving a 3 star breakfast from 4am to 11am, one of the stars was taken off for an issue with the hollandaise sauce, don't order the hollandaise, I mean, unless your into it. Giant stacks of blueberry pancakes, omelettes cooked to perfection, and an attitude that is so pro-family it makes most people uncomfortable, make Sasselbacks the perfect place for a family on a road trip to feed everyone on the go, or two star crossed cousins looking for a place to explore their relationship away from judgmental aunts and uncles, Sasselbacks is here for you bro.


Figuring they would all be spending the Holiday stuffing turkey, making things sizzle, and having sex with cousins they haven't had sex with since last Thanksgiving, why not do it while making some money at the Tucson restaurant?  This Thanksgiving  ignore the trappings of genderless robots in a hyper nationalistic atmosphere who only see the holiday as a ploy to lure humans into the sell-box, whereas the Sasselbacks know the joy of seeing ones family around them, happy and healthy, with us another year, and, you know, the Cousin thing.