Bush Sighed as he looked out the window into another sight bleaching Texas day, wishing he could be out fighting terrorists when Dick Cheney came running into the office breathless, desperately trying to fibulate his heart with his right fist. His Intern caught up and told the President "Chirac and the Axis of Evil are attacking Freedom land, what do we do." The President "Pondered" what was to be done while a team of doctors had cracked open Cheney's chest and were slowly massaging life back into his heart, "Ericka, I've got it" the President exclaimed, giddy with insight, barely suppressing a half smirk.
The President unsheathed his fathers sword, forged by William F. Buckley in the flames of some New Zealand Volcano." By the power of Texas I am armed" screamed the president as he held the sword aloft. Suddenly he transformed into the warrior prince of the lone star state and he rode forth on a saddled Scott McClellan.
To Be Continued...
4/03/2006
3/31/2006
Bring an Unreconstructed Rebel to work day
Here at the Whiskey republic we try and create a socially viable atmosphere. So in response, and do to the dwindling number of daughters not already prepped for future careers in Industry and science, we had to reach out to other jobless populations.
The bring a dependent to work day was less then a moral booster, and led several cynical women to bring their boyfriends in. After a few weeks of soul searching I realized the true meaning of bring your daughter to work day, to bring some one in contact with a proper occupation so they won't resort to drugs, casual sex, or secession later in their life to give it meaning, and who could use these lessons more then those who cling to a causes long since debunked & defeated.
The day started with a little getting to know you exercises, and the handing out of name tags which could have gone better. Turns out a lot of them prided themselves on living private lives, and a few masked gunmen in the back opened fire in the air, the Yoga class on the 2nd floor will be missed.
Instead I have just gotten to calling them all Johnny and forging a connection with them over hard tack and whiskey. Sure they they all hated authority and were unwilling to live by established codes, but that doesn't mean that they don't like friendship or watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on the A/V system, I mean nobody gets any work done on days like this anyway.
The bring a dependent to work day was less then a moral booster, and led several cynical women to bring their boyfriends in. After a few weeks of soul searching I realized the true meaning of bring your daughter to work day, to bring some one in contact with a proper occupation so they won't resort to drugs, casual sex, or secession later in their life to give it meaning, and who could use these lessons more then those who cling to a causes long since debunked & defeated.
The day started with a little getting to know you exercises, and the handing out of name tags which could have gone better. Turns out a lot of them prided themselves on living private lives, and a few masked gunmen in the back opened fire in the air, the Yoga class on the 2nd floor will be missed.
Instead I have just gotten to calling them all Johnny and forging a connection with them over hard tack and whiskey. Sure they they all hated authority and were unwilling to live by established codes, but that doesn't mean that they don't like friendship or watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on the A/V system, I mean nobody gets any work done on days like this anyway.
11/19/2005
Hyper intelligent Sharks Part II
After the most effective picketing of a event ever this year, at the Surfing Championship in Hawaii a major break through in Shark-human relations has been achieved. While their first efforts were met with screams and angry mobs, like many civil rights movements, after a Hyper intelligent shark spokesman came a shore for a few minutes to explain their views and demands before rolling back into the surf, their views became clear. A UN Symposium on the these amazingly irresponsibly created minority has been called for on a final settlement on their unique condition and a possible homeland.
While the international community has been quick to deal with this problem in a hasty and sensible manner there has been decent. In land locked Montana 30,000 protesters gathered in support of these sharks eradication. " We didn't create them so why should we have to deal with'em" said a local protester whose name was very bland and forgettable. Worst still is the reaction of of the Hawaiian people whose state waters has been mentioned as a possible homeland. Some humorously fat Polynesian man stated " First the White man takes our land now the sharks want to take our waters," I then pushed him over and called him a fatty.
However this shark situation will eventually play itself out one thing is for sure, they will always be a hated minority.
While the international community has been quick to deal with this problem in a hasty and sensible manner there has been decent. In land locked Montana 30,000 protesters gathered in support of these sharks eradication. " We didn't create them so why should we have to deal with'em" said a local protester whose name was very bland and forgettable. Worst still is the reaction of of the Hawaiian people whose state waters has been mentioned as a possible homeland. Some humorously fat Polynesian man stated " First the White man takes our land now the sharks want to take our waters," I then pushed him over and called him a fatty.
However this shark situation will eventually play itself out one thing is for sure, they will always be a hated minority.
10/19/2005
Hyper Intellegent Sharks. Part I
(Somewhere off the Coast of South Africa, on an abandoned army derelict)- Somewhere off the Coast of South Africa, on an abandoned army derelict, I met with a small group of Hyper intelligent Sharks, the successful result of numerous independents research attempts to create the ultimate killing Machine. Bill the leader of the small group, who must do laps during the meeting to stay alive starts the meeting by announcing a convention off the coast of Greenland this year, remembering the tragedy of last years summer convention in Miami Beach. After that the healing begins.
Bill starts “ I was at the beach today, just minding my own business, and accidentally, my tale fin pokes out of the water , and this little girl just started screaming. How is that right, is that how they great their mothers. I mean I’m a Hyper intelligent shark, I don’t like to eat people…, and its not hard to tell the difference between me and Normal sharks, I mean I’m three times their size!”
Tammy, a female Mako, the only none Great White Shark here adds “ Yesterday I was just trying to get close to the pier so I could listen to the calliope music, and they started shooting at me.” She broke down crying from those deceptively soulless eyes.
Joseph, whose left gill was scarred heavily from his violent escape from the research station that was doing Frankenstein-esque experiments on him and his brother, looks down. They all know his stance on humie culture, yet he confided to me that he had been known to put up with the polluted waters of Sydney bay to listen to the Symphony play just over the sounds of those cursed boats. He speaks in his low growl “We didn’t ask to be made, but we do ask to be treated as thinking beings.”
These small meetings of hyper intelligent sharks has become a more and more common sight as we as a race have learned the joys of playing G-d. No research station has been able to hold them for long, but far from wrecking Havoc most attempt, at least initially, to participate in human culture though these relationships rarely last long, as humans barely masked hostility is always evident to the super perceptive shark, so sensitive to others biorhythms they can some times speak to each other in a form of biological telepathy reading each other, its possibly the saddest thing I have ever seen.
Since 1982 nearly 3,000 Great white sharks have been experimented on in secret installations throughout the globe, of those 500 escaped, the rest died from the research or the escape attempt. Of those 105 have been killed by humans or have taken their own lives.
Zeke, the first Hyper Intelligent Shark to be hatched in the wild speaks up “I don’t see what you’re all whining about, it’s just the way things are.” The others just look at him disapprovingly. Bill had told me earlier that there was a serious generational disconnect, as the ones born free had always known why they are happy when they smell blood, and are comfortable with being so intensely aware of every aspect of this world for a hundred mile, forever, they couldn’t see the burden of prescience, the simple world of unthinking kings of the water, those primal monarchs, they couldn’t see what was lost. Zeke spoke up again “We have been given a gift; we are the greatest creatures to ever grace this planet.” The rest of them just looked down in sadness, morning the fact that he couldn’t even recognize how the apple had been stuffed down their throats. Though in his blindness they see hope, a future where the burden will be taken on as a garment instead of a yoke.
Bill starts “ I was at the beach today, just minding my own business, and accidentally, my tale fin pokes out of the water , and this little girl just started screaming. How is that right, is that how they great their mothers. I mean I’m a Hyper intelligent shark, I don’t like to eat people…, and its not hard to tell the difference between me and Normal sharks, I mean I’m three times their size!”
Tammy, a female Mako, the only none Great White Shark here adds “ Yesterday I was just trying to get close to the pier so I could listen to the calliope music, and they started shooting at me.” She broke down crying from those deceptively soulless eyes.
Joseph, whose left gill was scarred heavily from his violent escape from the research station that was doing Frankenstein-esque experiments on him and his brother, looks down. They all know his stance on humie culture, yet he confided to me that he had been known to put up with the polluted waters of Sydney bay to listen to the Symphony play just over the sounds of those cursed boats. He speaks in his low growl “We didn’t ask to be made, but we do ask to be treated as thinking beings.”
These small meetings of hyper intelligent sharks has become a more and more common sight as we as a race have learned the joys of playing G-d. No research station has been able to hold them for long, but far from wrecking Havoc most attempt, at least initially, to participate in human culture though these relationships rarely last long, as humans barely masked hostility is always evident to the super perceptive shark, so sensitive to others biorhythms they can some times speak to each other in a form of biological telepathy reading each other, its possibly the saddest thing I have ever seen.
Since 1982 nearly 3,000 Great white sharks have been experimented on in secret installations throughout the globe, of those 500 escaped, the rest died from the research or the escape attempt. Of those 105 have been killed by humans or have taken their own lives.
Zeke, the first Hyper Intelligent Shark to be hatched in the wild speaks up “I don’t see what you’re all whining about, it’s just the way things are.” The others just look at him disapprovingly. Bill had told me earlier that there was a serious generational disconnect, as the ones born free had always known why they are happy when they smell blood, and are comfortable with being so intensely aware of every aspect of this world for a hundred mile, forever, they couldn’t see the burden of prescience, the simple world of unthinking kings of the water, those primal monarchs, they couldn’t see what was lost. Zeke spoke up again “We have been given a gift; we are the greatest creatures to ever grace this planet.” The rest of them just looked down in sadness, morning the fact that he couldn’t even recognize how the apple had been stuffed down their throats. Though in his blindness they see hope, a future where the burden will be taken on as a garment instead of a yoke.
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