--Breaking Scientific/Math News--

A enigmatic and very rude mathematician from St.Petersberg, Russia refused maths highest honor. This "Grigory Perelman" is 40 yrs old, lives with his mother, refuses to submit his research to peer review, posting it on his website, and is contemplating turning down millions in award money for solving "Poincare conjecture." Now yes, I may better understand the shape of the universe, but this man is missing his chance to get out there, he could be the biggest new thing on the stupidly hard problems scene since, whatever it is that happens that's great in math, something by Einstein. Like the mans style, eccentric Germans, what aren't they capable of. Anyway the Russian has clearly insulted us and I suggest we take Math away from them, possibly Art and Fraternity too, but lets start small and see if it makes a difference. Ah, Science.

Bush: By the power of Texas

Bush Sighed as he looked out the window into another sight bleaching Texas day, wishing he could be out fighting terrorists when Dick Cheney came running into the office breathless, desperately trying to fibulate his heart with his right fist. His Intern caught up and told the President "Chirac and the Axis of Evil are attacking Freedom land, what do we do." The President "Pondered" what was to be done while a team of doctors had cracked open Cheney's chest and were slowly massaging life back into his heart, "Ericka, I've got it" the President exclaimed, giddy with insight, barely suppressing a half smirk.

The President unsheathed his fathers sword, forged by William F. Buckley in the flames of some New Zealand Volcano." By the power of Texas I am armed" screamed the president as he held the sword aloft. Suddenly he transformed into the warrior prince of the lone star state and he rode forth on a saddled Scott McClellan.

To Be Continued...

Bring an Unreconstructed Rebel to work day

Here at the Whiskey republic we try and create a socially viable atmosphere. So in response, and do to the dwindling number of daughters not already prepped for future careers in Industry and science, we had to reach out to other jobless populations.

The bring a dependent to work day was less then a moral booster, and led several cynical women to bring their boyfriends in. After a few weeks of soul searching I realized the true meaning of bring your daughter to work day, to bring some one in contact with a proper occupation so they won't resort to drugs, casual sex, or secession later in their life to give it meaning, and who could use these lessons more then those who cling to a causes long since debunked & defeated.

The day started with a little getting to know you exercises, and the handing out of name tags which could have gone better. Turns out a lot of them prided themselves on living private lives, and a few masked gunmen in the back opened fire in the air, the Yoga class on the 2nd floor will be missed.

Instead I have just gotten to calling them all Johnny and forging a connection with them over hard tack and whiskey. Sure they they all hated authority and were unwilling to live by established codes, but that doesn't mean that they don't like friendship or watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on the A/V system, I mean nobody gets any work done on days like this anyway.

Hyper intelligent Sharks Part II

After the most effective picketing of a event ever this year, at the Surfing Championship in Hawaii a major break through in Shark-human relations has been achieved. While their first efforts were met with screams and angry mobs, like many civil rights movements, after a Hyper intelligent shark spokesman came a shore for a few minutes to explain their views and demands before rolling back into the surf, their views became clear. A UN Symposium on the these amazingly irresponsibly created minority has been called for on a final settlement on their unique condition and a possible homeland.
While the international community has been quick to deal with this problem in a hasty and sensible manner there has been decent. In land locked Montana 30,000 protesters gathered in support of these sharks eradication. " We didn't create them so why should we have to deal with'em" said a local protester whose name was very bland and forgettable. Worst still is the reaction of of the Hawaiian people whose state waters has been mentioned as a possible homeland. Some humorously fat Polynesian man stated " First the White man takes our land now the sharks want to take our waters," I then pushed him over and called him a fatty.
However this shark situation will eventually play itself out one thing is for sure, they will always be a hated minority.