Happy Hanukkah!!!

Trump back peddling accidentally causes a rip in both Time and Space

As Trump, and a radius around Trump, appears when he is backpedaling at, or near, the speed of political light

Finally recognizing that his slimy, shady, sleazy jamboree turned out to be very popular (the 3 S's for Drumpf success), and had landed him in the white house, a location that he has said, through media, rallies, and drunken bar rants, that should he find himself IN the White House, AS President, he we do many outlandish, fantastical, and often monstrous things on behalf of the United States of America. The President elect also realized that he didn't want to be murdered by unrelenting waves terrorists, and their swelling ranks of allies, so he has wavered on the Muslim ban, and questioned moving the American Embassy in Israel, to Jerusalem, just days after being elected to office based on a wacky platform of unfeasible ideas, such as those. This backpedaling done, over 3 months before he will even hold public office, for the very first time,  reach the political equivalent of 88 miles per hour, and busted a seam in both time and space.

Due to the Laws of Relativity, it was theorized, and now proven, that if a bad enough opponent could be found, a really heinous POS, Trump could be elected President, but if he were to immediately backpedal, it could create a POS paradox

While he first experienced his most recent back peddling as a fully immersive POV POS experience, it began to spaghettified in the quantum foam, and he transformed into an orange beam of light ten times a billionth the diameter of a hydrogen atoms nucleus into quantum multi-verse, each increasingly different, depending if and when people back peddled, sensing ego death his minds last conscious thought was how much he wished that he could tenderly and lovingly hold Boris Johnson one last time...while he raped him.

21st Century normal?

Sensing the Universe had grabbed him by the pussy, the now egoless, and thus vulnerable Trump(s) was/were being sucked through the time space fissure he had created, like a shirtless Mexican on a hillbilly waterside from hell, which is also the name of his signature drink at his Dubai speakeasy and resort. He saw the multiplicity of existence, realities fanciful, abhorrent, familiar and alien, a never ending ouroboros of possibilities that people either forced into existence, or backed down from with weak explanations, emanating from Trump back to a puddle of primordial ooze in a lifeless earth Primeval, which he felt a kinship towards like he had felt with no other living creature, before it was zapped by lightening and either became life, or back peddled into a biochemical soup, before the time daemons returned him to his gold plated terrarium in the Kremlin.

What if we lived in a universe where our Commander - in - Chief - elect hadn't done this? Hmm?

Obama to colonize Mars

Here's looking at you kid!

Many have speculated what one of the youngest and most alive US  presidents, who is set to finish his second and final(?) term in a few short months,will do with the probably lengthy remainder of their life. Well, the President has made his intentions clear. President Obama, his NASA certified wife, and two, then, cryogenically frozen daughters, along with 500 astronauts, scientists,soldiers, engineers, "breeders", and one corporate shill trying to make money off of Xenomorphs, all of whom have already elected Obama as their King, and ipso facto, the King of Mars, will blast off! Capable of levying Martian taxes, and signing treaties with the Lobster Men of Olympus Mon, and or any space Nazis or Communists they might discover, as well as evolved space ape colonies, The Obama will decide, but with this great power the responsibility for protecting his subjects from any and all form of monstrosity, will falls upon his gawky shoulders, no matter how much he wants to sign a lopsided treaty with them.

As the Obama grows old, he will bond the two rival factions with his cryogenically preserved daughters, who have been taught "The Legacy"

From Obama city, built from the collapsed lava tubes of Arsia Mons, Obama will seek to live the simple life, farming algae,  harvesting water from glaciers, creating fertilizer from human excrement, and forgetting all those earth problems he probably had a hand in creating. Putin, Trump, Clinton, the fate of the ACA, "Fast an the Furious" etc. etc. Those are earth problems for earth people, or as The Obama will pejoratively refer to them, " a bunch of  Goldilocks", who need to "quit their whining". He also occasionally makes brief cryptic transmissions whose purpose is unknown, but some believe he is trying to egg on Iran and Russia, and play into their paranoia, thus precipitating a world war, which would make Obama's Mars colony the torch barer of human civilization. If this comes to pass, it is believed he will then grow a second head, as he feels the only one worth talking to/listening to, is himself and run for the Presidency of the Galaxy. 

"Comey is a Commie!"

Breaking News- According to the DNC and HRC Campaign, based on FBI director Comey covering his ass in a politically charged situation, he is a left of Lenin, kill you in the snow, communist, the head of a communist conspiracy in America, a homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that, unless it is with Putin) confidant of Putin and his man harem, and a collaborator with the Slavic menace that threatens American civilization, apple pie and mothers.

Here a cartoon depiction of Hillary Clinton being saved from Comey by Huma Abedin in drag

"While my enemies continue to waste America's time discussing why I destroyed nearly 50% of my email correspondence when people asked to look at them, which were supposed to be archived by NARA to allow the government, NGO's, journalists and historian to piece together the thoughts and ideas of the people steering this great nation, since anything that might embarrass me is obviously personal, and anyone who says differently,or tries to bring this up again, will be arrested and or dead within the hour, and is probably a communist, Putin collaborator, and a rapist to boot"

Hillary Rodham Clinton said at a town hall gathering in Hannibal Indiana, adding that Comey had been suspected of treason by the Clinton's for, literally, hours, and they couldn't rule out that he might also be a child murderer and worship foreign gods your fore fathers did not know.

Despite Communist's antipathy to religion, according to one democratic operative Comey is a polytheist, who primarily worships the Slavic god of war and the heavens, Perun

Besides the firm and unshakable belief that all of America's woes are some how connected to Putin's Russia, including a FBI director who had clearly gone rogue, which is Clinton's term for people who are fair, impartial, and refuse to play her games, is the fact that they have been unwilling to tie recent DNC hacks on a secret Trump-Russian alliance, which Clinton is clearly not paranoid for thinking exists on the most tangential of proof, in fact, far less proof than the fact that her husband is a rapist and she enabled his monstrous behavior.