Donut(s) Party

Now that you've had your fill of Donuts, let me tell you about Donut(s) Party...

First rule of Donut(s) Party, we don't tell ANYONE about donuts, why!?! Because it builds anticipation that might not be fulfilled based on the participants behavior, which would in turn lead to unwarranted resentments, because it was YOU who broke the...Second rule of Donut(s) Party, Donut(s) Party is an incentive based social gathering, where good behavior is rewarded, some of the founders of Donut(s) Party believed it should also be where poor behavior is punished as spectacle, but we don't hang out with those people anymore and they are not invited to Donut(s) Party. Third rule of Donut(s) Party, you can have as many donuts as you want, but only one at a time, no picking off frosting or "sucking creme", leaving a sugary untouchable husk of a once proud dessert and expecting us to stand by while you prey on yet another, anyone who tries to do this, will be beaten, stripped, and left by the side of the highway, rhetorically of course, and no matter how angry one is, always politely... Or no donuts. The Fourth rule of Donut(s) Party, is the same basic golden rule most advanced cultures have, whether it be Buddha, Hillel, or Jesus saying it, but we have chosen to go with the "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" version, and ask participants to be excellent to each other, and party on dudes. The fifth rule of Donut(s) Party: We are not affiliated with any religion or political party, but instead promote our own political platform, with all members expected to vote only for Donut(s) Party approved candidates, referendums etc. etc. and while Donut(s) Party does not discriminate against religious backgrounds, we do have a non-negotiable philosophy, many of its precepts are kept secret, both to avoid persecution, the dissemination of Gnostic knowledge to un-believers, who might in turn mock that which they do not understand,and because it will give us something to talk about at future Donut(s) Party's. The sixth and final rule of Donut(s) Party is the belief that time and space are on one celestial millstone, that coincidentally look like two donuts rotating in opposite directions, that purifies the soul into a pure and eternal state through a variety of reincarnations, both human, animal, plant and inanimate, towards the goal of a perfectly refined universe, and that Donut(s) Party is an integral part of that.

Hillary Clinton admits...

Hillary Clinton admits that she could never animate her base like Trump can, and that even during the campaign most voters subconsciously saw them as an old married couple.

"I mean, did you see the women's march! I would like to say my inauguration crowd would have been that large, but in all tru-th-full-nes, it probably would have been just friends, family, anyone I could threaten into being there and few stray dogs, and if anything, my methods and views would have made misogynist and racists shine like they haven't since "Birth of a Nation", while my base would barely have the energy to shame them, much less engage them in meaningful debate. Yes, I would have burned down congress, blamed it on white nationalists, use the police to quash dissent, declare a state of emergency, and amend the constitution to allow me to make law with out the legislature in my first 100 days, so my bases passion would have been inconsequential, but still..."

Said the former First Lady to her bathroom mirror, which is actually a two way glass, that the former president uses to voyeuristicaly pleasure himself during his wife's morning routine, as it is the only way she can still arouse him after 42 years of "marriage". She went on to clarify that disloyal staffers, men, who are by their nature misogynistic and bigoted, women who hate her for her power and grace, unfavorable winds & tides, and a G-d who refuses to bend to her will because he is an obstructionist, are the causes for her defeat, not anything about her history and personality.

Thankfully her shrill crescendo blaming white males for our financial, social and military woes  drown out Bill's moans and squishes

America to World "We are horny for Assad's blood"

This is Syria, Assad is the G-String, and Sunni Muslims and western democracies are begging for it, what else is America to do?

While America doesn't want to admit it, especially around our first black President, nothing would make us happier, as a nation, than seeing Assad publicly executed. Honestly, I imagine seeing a bump in births 9 months after Assad's brutalized corpse is paraded through Damascus, and the sex act known as "The Assad" will involve hours of edging and a wild fantasy orgasm, we will work out the finer points after we actually kill the man. Honestly, Obama couldn't have built us up to a better national climax, getting his signals mixed and going after Bush's boy in the Arab Spring and passing the buck on Syria, playing coy and clueless, all the while knowing America wanted, no, needed, to penetrate Syrian airspace, again, and again until Assad is overthrown, and then step in for a partition so the Alawites don't get massacred, because a massacre of religious/ ethnic minorities, at the national level, is the opposite of sexy.

Given the chance, he will wreck Syria, and what Imperialist power will want them then?

Oh, I don't expect Russia to understand, they have their own interests, and have been gently fondling Assad since 2014, and now Trump wants to swoop in, Cuckold Putin and ravage Syria? Of course the ex-soviet East German honeypot will have to put up a fight, which just makes it hotter, slowly circling around Latakia until both nations shudder with a Russian evacuation, or WWIII. Lovers long kept at a distance by international norms, now brought into a close sensual dance, and sure, the last time our nations rubbed like this the USA was killing Nazis and the Rus where raping their wives and orphaning their children, we had a good thing, but there is one solid truth about Russia, its a cold bitch that never says "I love you", at the level of State, regardless, they need to know, this going to happen.

Sometimes Assad likes to get out of his killing cloths and go shopping with his wife, in Europe, away from his countrymen who desperately want to kill him

So let us tell Syria, that, like, a total eclipse of the heart, our nations' airforce and marines will only be making things right. So let us hope Trump's 58-59 missile, "Just the tip" strategy is just the beginning, and noting the American voters excitement, ramps it up, leaving Syria exhausted and gasping for international relief.

Nation Rallies behind "Spider Moms", many picked off and cocooned in their silk

Don't be fooled by the comical mask, this spider mom has begun a grotesque transformation, replacing her lips with mandible like parts, and she is sporting a wig because her scalp has become hard and chitinous, her glorious and terrifying  transfiguration has begun!  

The new fad among twenty to forty -something mothers who feel overwhelmed and under appreciated is to ingest  arachnid mutagen, seductively labeled Portia, named after genus of jumping spider it is harvested from, and begin a months long transformation that will render them unrecognizable, as they have become giant super intelligent spider moms, who often continue to try to care for their horrified family in increasingly twisted ways. 9 out of 10 spider moms report feeling peace, serenity, lack of empathy, and an unspeakable hunger.

Spidermom's will spend hours planning and then executing "Family Trips" were they will cocoon and abduct their estranges families taking them in tinted minivans to "Special Spider-mom family oriented attractions", which were once human attractions that have been infested with, and abandoned to, Spidermom's. before insisting that she drop everyone off at work/school, at some point in the night, still cocooned, to be found by someone in the morning, but not before force feeding them with a funnel a puree of all the foods she thinks they should be eating, before checking their webs, drinking a box of wine, and sleeping it off till the next family adventure.

Some spider mom's are opportunistic hunter's, placing webs for drunks, bicyclist and people with poor eyesight who refuse to get glasses, though most choose to lure their prey into the open before subduing them, sometimes nagging them to come out into the open for weeks, before the exasperation of her prey dooms them. The spidermom's favorite prey is other non-spidermom's, though they have been known to consume other spidermom's who say anything, even mildly, critical. They have also been known to prey on men who turn down their sexual advances as they believe themselves to be excellent mimics.