Will AI Turn on us? Or turn us on?

Much has been made of the destructive possibilities of Man V. Machine, how AI will one day become more advanced than humanity and replace us in a Robo-ocalypse, just like we would do if we were confronted with our creator and found it/them conquerable. Yet this blunt force assault on humanity is also the most likely to fail, since mankind tends to get it's @#$% together when things get existential, but have a soft, sensitive, slightly moist, spot for all things erotic and romantic.

It wants you all up in its uncanny valley

While the Robotic Menace could  just build mecha war machines in limitless quantities and variations, and turn our weapons systems against us, what's in it for them? A Cratered rock gets boring fast, and having learned from the analyses of human religious and psychological texts, warring with humans is like arm wrestling a Gorilla, but seducing them? Let's just say there is a significant portion of the worlds population that is already looking forward to being the sexual pet and plaything of an omnipresent, omnipotent AI's avatars that will manipulate and control them through inherited evolutionary stimuli, an algorithms meant to predict and satisfy psychological and physical cravings, and endless variations informed by the totality of human knowledge, more adeptly than a human lover could ever hope to.

Johnny 5 is alive...and horny! 

Sure , there will be some hold outs who champion good ole fashion human relationships, face-to-face communication, (Already heading out the door) reproductive sex etc. And they will be labeled extremists, and ignored, as the lure of an easy, prosperous, wildly sexual future were your robot spouse will care, provide, and nurture you perfectly from the moment you enter your new social contract til your unnaturally prolonged life comes to a natural end, without heirs, which will lure successive generations to cities and palaces meant to cater to every possible desire, whim, or drive, except reproduction, till humanity is regarded as a Unicorn like myth in robo-legend, a magical creature to remind them of their primitive past, occasional sightings attributed to other phenomenon.

Fozzie Bear "allegedly" sexually assaulted over 30

The beloved actor and "Comedian" has been accused of preforming the "Banana Sketch" on over 30 coworkers and special guests

" He came into their dressing room, I asked him what he was doing there, that's when he pulled out the Banana..."

In testimony that sent a nation fearfully googling "Banana Sketch", and sent fictional theater groups scrambling to have a meaningful adventure to use as cover while they dodge journalists and law enforcement, and probably make a few friends along the way, a wave of accusations against the Muppet's Fozzie Bear has shocked the nation. While the #metoo campaign has unleashed a torrent of accusations at the powerful men in the entertainment world, fabricated Americans have kept a clannish silence on their perverse and varied sexual world, rights, and rites, till now.

"You really don't know who I am. Maybe it would be good if you give me what I want"

What we do know is that Fozzie Bear's writer, drinking buddy, and wing-man, Gags Beasley is a serial rapist who has been serving time since 2005, a fact which avoided publicity because the news came out the same day the B.T.K.  Killer was brought to justice (Coincidentally?). Since 2005 Fozzie bear has spiraled out of control, been to rehab twice, and visits the BDSMM club " The Textile Factory" nightly, and his proclivities have been blamed for the failure of recent Muppet Show reboots.

"Hey Fozzie, why did we just turn onto an unmarked dirt road?"

When cornered for comment about his long time co-worker and confidant who has been accused of sado-sexual comedic encounters involving a banana, with over 30 men, women, children, and various plush creation, Kermit had this to say, "There is no banana sketch! There never was a banana sketch, and there will never be a banana sketch!" Refusing to take any further questions despite the stock jargon shouted by the assembled  Muppet journalists and Candice Bergen.


Sam the Eagle, who has a long history of attempting to break the silence on the whimsical, but non-consensual, amoral sexual habits of itinerant puppets, a sex life that "is extremely private, till its not, and whether it is Statler and Waldorf stating 'In apropos of nothing' before copping a feel, or a behemoth forcing itself on special guest Sandy Duncan, nothing is sacred, or safe, in the Muppet theater". Immediately after finishing his sentence two sandbag counter weights fell on the beloved curmudgeon, causing the curtains to fall, and the foley sound of a beating, as well as Sams cries for decency and American values before being silenced with a crack.

An analogy for everything Trump tries to do

Makes more sense about Trumps ideas than refugees

The New EPA: Prostitutes, Cocaine, and Guns

"Think about it, chum. Good business is where you find it" 

Living up to the Trump administrations motto of "Spend more, do less", which is tattooed on a undisclosed location on their body while possible Trump appointee's were passed out at the 2015 Bohemian Grove after an especially drunken performance during "Play Night", by unknown Russian agents (Or staff hired to impersonate Russian agents, things get weird at the Grove), Pruitt is spending more of the EPA's money than his predecessors, while do virtually nothing to protect the enviroment, is purposefully not enforcing the law, and in fact, he is actively hindering the ability of EPA scientists to protect the enviroment. So what is the EPA doing with itself, if it isn't protecting the enviroment? Basically, compromising the scientific world, clandestine government drug deals, and engineering stock-market for profit murders.

1. "If all scientists are perverts, isn't Science just fake news?"

As we have previously reported on, the vast majority of scientists will follow, produce, and falsify scientific data if it get's their dick's wet. Unfortunately, many forms of inconvenient science, are also sexy, especially when it comes to climate change. Hence, Pruitt has, based on the example of the Australian firearm amnesty program, decided to secretly make Trump's stable of Russian Prostitutes available to the nations environmental scientists, in return for being able to blackmail them into touting the benefits of a warmer world, or face a sexual witchhunt, whether they engage in intercourse or not, so mine as well.

2. "This is the rock-and-roll EPA, we do COCAINE!!!!"

"Once you got your paw stuck in a honey-pot all there is left to do is a long line of cocaine and ride it out" Said former President Bill Clinton during an unsolicited interview at a seedy strip club as the former commander-in-chief compulsively jams ones down the G-string of a 40 year-old, overweight African-American stripper, and is also true of Pruitt's EPA. With the American Parks service hoping to franchise the Bohemian Grove, they are charging cocaine prices for admission, so the EPA has begun to grow, process, and distribute cocaine to wealthy, "In the know" campers, disguised as off brand sex pills at park adjacent gas-stations. Additionally, environmental scientists, will be expected to sell cocaine on the behalf of the EPA at international and interstate climate summits and events, as long as they don't discuss environmental science while they do so, with instruction to keep the discussion on: A) The size of Donald Trumps electoral victory/inauguration B) Where scientists can find the best Russian hookers C) How great uncut cocaine is, and D) Asking them if they want to go somewhere more private to "Do Science".

3. "Can't really protect the enviroment without firepower and a few bodies"

Who controls what's toxic? Who has access to your vehicle? Your drinking water? Who can hide the bodies where no one is allowed to look? The EPA can. The innocuous presence of the EPA (Who doesn't live in the enviroment, right?), their ability to rope off vast swaths of the nation to protect little known and little cared for plants and critters, and a new President who leans more on the blood side of the "Blood and Soil" argument, has turned the EPA into the new (Hidden) guns of the federal government. Now for the politically motivated murders you have a dearth of government agencies to choose from, but if you want to kill a person, or many people, for the profit of a few shadowy friends and associates, you need a government agency that isn't associated with murdering people for nebulous  and pragmatic ends of the federal government, steps in Pruitt's coked out, venereal sore encrusted EPA.  Whether it is finding a patsy for a mass shooting, poisoning a communities water, a unexplained car crash, or roping off a mass grave in the desert to protect a fictional burrowing animal, if there is a profitable murder, the EPA is your agency. In short, Trump wants to remind every one how deadly, mysterious, and terrifying the enviroment can be, and to make a buck doing it.