Obama to introduce wolves into your neighborhood

The Department of Health & Human Services has released its analysis of America's Health care spending , which has topped $10,000 for the first time with an average of $10,345 per American. The President had this to say:

"Hello, my fellow American's, as you know health care cost continue to rise, consuming more and more of our nations wealth, and as everyone made clear earlier, it would have been difficult for me to implement my death panels, as me and my Committee for public safety wanted to while drafting the ACA. We also know that some 5% of the population, the weakest, slowest, and most frail- consume the vast majority of services. Lastly, we know that gun violence is a public safety issue, and there is no reason a citizen needs a military grade weapon.

To holistically solve all three issues, while reintroducing a majestic and powerful animal, hunted to near extinction by the greed and avarice of white males, we will reintroduce massive Super-Pacs of wolves into populated areas, while simultaneously confiscating assault weapons  and any magazines over 8 rounds, this method will make the ACA viable again within one to two harsh winters. I understand Congress will try and block my efforts to bring affordable health care and hysterics based gun control to America while enhancing its biodiversity, but we must not falter we must not fail"

While many in the democratic party, at first, opposed creating a situation where vast swaths of the population would be in danger of being torn apart by packs of starving wolves whose population will balloon on unchecked deer, before entering urban environments in force, after the deer population collapses, while simultaneously disarming the public and sending a directive to all government employees to, in any interactions between humans and wolves, to let things "play out".

Sorry Grandma, you are too slow for healthcare

Of course the party got in line when Clinton reminded them that they could all disappear and their families would never know if they were alive or dead. Republicans, surprisingly or not, seemed to only take umbrage with the gun control aspect of the plan, not the release wolves into populated areas to hunt the sick, old and handicapped.