|The DNC and their FBI dogs are "Like totally, 101% sure" Grigori Rasputin is the root of the hacker attack on the DNC|
As the DNC got their ass handed to them by a group of anonymous hackers, and their first inclination was to blame the Russians, based on the these correlating facts:
- How the information was inputted, could have been from a Cyrillic keyboard
- The hackers didn't work on Russian holidays
- The Hackers, people with the ability to manipulate electronic data, used IP addresses associated with Russian servers
- Russians are known to be be stone faced maniacs who will do and say anything to get what they want, and they will drown their conscious in vodka later
A state dept sources who asked not be named for fear of Clinton's "Lurkers in the Shadows" said " The attack was elegant, like a ballerina trained from birth to be perfection in human form and trained by an elderly gymnast, whose own dreams of glory were crushed in a Nazi invasion and the rebuilding of his shattered homeland from the ashes" adding "These hackers are probably the children of disaffected Russian officials and former soviet revolutionaries" before nervously walking, then running, away.
|You know this guy was, probably, involved|
A DNC spokesman, who insisted I call him Cecil Rodriguez, stated "We would just like to remind the electorate how evil Russians are, the depths of their depravity, and their innate talent for subterfuge, and how it is a part of them, and how their leader, Vladimir Putin, is the worst of the lot" and added, "off the record, even the 'Good Ones' are probably just spies".