Five lies about Forrest Gump that it would be impossible for you to know

1) The Original quote was "Life is like a box of chocolate, sometimes you get candy and sometimes you get raped by your dad" but Tom Hanks suggested the more coy and alluring "you never know what you're going to get" originally, with a wink.

The original dialogue was not well received by castmembers

2) While on set playing Lt. Dan, post Army, actor Gary Sinise said " But seriously guys, if I ever end up like this, put a @#$%en bullet in my head! Alright?" Gary Sinise hasn't been seen in a film since 2004.

Here an extra can be seen taking liberties with the beloved, but oblivious star who is just way too into his ice cream to care

3) Tom Hanks retardation wasn't simulated, but the result of a bludgeoning by Gary Sinise, who had been drunkenly stalking Hanks since 1992, and the beloved actor was required by his doctors to wear a helmet between takes, and his cast mates made him wear mittens due to his compulsive masturbating, the swelling eventually went down (on all fronts[snicker]) and the kindly thespian still has no recollection of filming the 1994 classic.

Gary Sinise really hopes he gets to work with Tom Hanks again, hard

4) Robert Zemeckis originally hoped to to adapt the Forrest Gump story into "Back to the Future IV", but was later convinced to go with a more literal, less franchise driven screenplay.

5) Robert Zemeckis originally hoped to adapt the Carl Sagan Classic "Contact" into "Forrest Gump II: Forrest Gump meets the Aliens", but was later convinced to go with a more literal, less franchise driven screenplay.


G-d still deciding how dark he wants to go

Most years, mercy v. vengeful is a coin toss, but this year, it could be personal

El the primary G-d of several pantheons and at least three monotheistic religions, is apparently contemplating just how dark he is planning on making things on earth between this winter solstice, and the next. With both Queen Elizabeth II and Charles Manson seriously ill G-d is wondering if he should continue to reap the best of humanity, or to start trimming the other-side of the ledger and return logic and sapience to the leaders of the world. Allah is supposedly waiting on a one Sally Davenport of Birmingham to decide to tell her mother the truth about who stole the cookies, or continued to allow her younger brother to take the blame, with El Shaddai mentioning there are a lot of fault, fissures and eruptions he has been holding off on, but if the little bitch doesn't fess up, well may he have mercy on our souls.