The time Fred Rogers told "Everyone, and everybody, go @#$% yourself", before congress

On May 1st 1969, a then young, and sexy, Fred Rogers described hist patented approach to televised children's' education, earning PBS a cool 13 million. You know this because the video has been posted ad naseum, on every form of media, from youtube, to underground vinyl and magnetic tape available through "The Pipe-Lien" a popular music and loansharking service, and because of its deep resonance, and simple beauty, and  you may also have heard about it because of our current President threatening PBS funding.

Now, Fred Rogers is a kind gentle man who encourages children to use their imagination and kindness to overcome life's tough problems, but for a brief periods from 1981 till 1985, he also liked cocaine and whiskey. Unfortunately, cocaine, whiskey and children's television mix real nice, and Fred Rogers got a lot of ideas, and decided to share them with congress. After a shirtless tussle with Pat Buchanan on NBC Radio and personally threatening Strom Thurmond, DC police were alerted, and the wily TV personality decided to barricade himself in congress until his confusing and rambling demands were met.

What did Fred Rogers like more than whiskey, cocaine, masturbating, and puppets? All four at once, which is how he described congress 

In soiled undergarments carrying a handle of Jim Beam and a Colt .45 revolver, the disheveled icon made his case before a terrified congress, in the dark, as hostage negotiators had cut the power after he had paraded a nude and shaven Tip O'niell  before the C-Span Camera's. From the disarmament of all Caucasian males of all nationalities, to a busing arrangement to fix the middle east,  having the UN replaced with representative puppets, working to uplift apes into sentience, to 30 million dollars and a helicopter. Though as he came down from the cocaine, whiskey, and adrenaline, he became less concerned with fulfilling his jeremiad, as helping the various politicians and staffers deal with their emotions in a tense and upsetting situation.

Three days later, by mutual consent of congress and Mr. Rogers, because they all learned something important about themselves, community, and friendship, that they would practice forgiveness and put it all behind them. Despite the incidents violent and addled origins it would be a shame to sully the reputation of Mr. Rogers, and many had shared details they wished Mr. Rogers would forget, so in return for his silence he was allowed to go back to PBS, and the entire incident was erased from the public record by an act of congress, shadow congress, and the Genie that anoints the President to consummate their inauguration. 

While no "official" record of this incident has survived, various monastic orders are racing to compile and write down the oral record of the songs, dances, and puppet shows that have kept alive the memory of Mr. Rogers 1984 takeover of congress. Additionally, in his underground memoirs, printed in New York basements on antiquated machines, says that much of his 9/11 material Mr. Rogers used was actually formulated while working with congress to address what was really bothering them, not during the events of 9/11 itself, though it is unknown if these are the actual words of Mr. Rogers, or those of the elderly Junkie who runs the presses.

Crappy Santa made a comeback in 2017

Here a Danish "Crappy Santa", circa 1864, Copenhagen, can be seen handing out 2nd hand , and age inappropriate, toys while smoking a "medley of herbs from the new world and orient"

Out of nowhere the "Crappy Santa" has been revived, like a Bum Santa in the morgue after a cold snap and a binge, the angst, turmoil, and frustration of 2017 has made the world more accepting and in need, of Crappy Santa's.

Crappy Vs Bad, Santa
The first and most important distinction that needs to be made, is that Crappy Santa's are actively trying to promote "The Holiday" to the best of their abilities, but they fail comically in the attempt, while a Bad Santa is more of an Anti-Santa wearing an unconvincing Santa costume, who flaunts the traditions and conventions of the season blasphemously, and publicly professes a humbug attitude, but he will probably come around to the holiday's true meaning by the actual day. Crappy Santa gets drunk accidentally on egg nog, leading them to drunkenly shares it with children, accidentally. Bad Santa gets drunk before a paid gig as Santa Claus, because, you know, everything is Bullshit. Bad Santa has been canonized in film, Crappy Santa is a common phenomenon, since corporations tend to hire all the Proper Santa's for the duration of the season, before culling 90% of their population and putting the other 10% "out to pasture", which is code for transport to P&G's arctic breeding facility, where the next generation of Capitalist Santa's are being born, leaving Crappy Santa's to increasingly represent the "True" spirit of the Holiday.

Attributes of a Crappy Santa
Basically, any fat, stupid man, preferably with a alcohol problem and a history of poor decision making, without a wife to act as a firewall on overtly shameful behavior. If the man is married, he must be unusually scrawny, with an overweight, overbearing wife, who will constantly insult and henpeck his attempts to fulfill the role of Santa, which will agitate his general anxiety into making increasingly comic mistakes, which his wife will mock mercilessness, leading to a shamed based comedy spiral. Lastly, if female, they need to be an overtly over the top lesbian, who likes to "shock" people with the "News" that she is a lesbian, preferably with an eating and drinking problem, and probably with 1 to 3 adopted children, depending on her apartment's cat population.

Role's of the Crappy Santa
While Santa is the Phylum, the subphyla would be Crappy, with it's own niche in the holiday, like a sexy female Santa, for places where wearing pant's makes that role superior to dressing up as sexy Mrs. Claus. A Crappy Santa must make those around him feel good about themselves for associating with a social entity on the margins during the holiday season, while laughing at his unintentional buffoonery, which subtly or bluntly reminds them of the true spirit of the season, which is, to say goodbye on the best possible terms, because who know who the winter will take.   The CS should earnestly attempt to be merry, oblivious to the mockery of those around him, of all ages, just enjoying the attention, though at some point the overwhelming cynicism towards this kindly idiot will get to them, they will cry, everyone will feel shame and a desire for an impossible redemption, which will be the emotional defibrillator the festivities needed, the dolt will once again become joyous, and everyone else can have their brain-balls tickled by the idea that they had a positive revelation.

So while we don't have some sort over the top awesome, Pax Britannia  Danish-Dutch style Saint Nick that is so awesome and beloved that their image can survive an association with a Krampus (whereas American, Capitalist, Coke-Cola themed Santa is too valuable as a marketing tool for such Northern European Madness), we do have an army of Crappy Santa's, smelling of an undiscerning mix of alcohols and finger foods, or sweat and fear if it is a married male, and brightening the December with their non-sentient attitude towards holiday spirit.