Did Scaramucci party too hearty? Or not hearty enough?

In 10 of the wackier days of the wackiest presidency to date, there was the worst possible Italian stereotype possible without kidnapping James Gandolfini's family as leverage, to force him to plays Tony Soprano, as the White House Communications Director, for real, and to cope, did a mountain of cocaine. He was fired by John " The Face of Death" Kelly, probably for being a complete idiot.

The Grim Reaper attempts to look hopeful
Now did the president allow a decorated veteran, who also happens to be an excellent Colonel Klink for a Hogan's Hero's reboot,  to fire someone his boss hired less than a fortnight (14 days) ago, because he was an almost G-d like embarrassment, that even Trump, obviously found embarrassing, or was he just being a "Mooch".

At first they said having a mound of cocaine on your Oval Office desk was unacceptable, then Trump came along

One has to ask, because if we don't Obama supported deep state operatives will assassinate me, and randomly decimate those I love, is this all part of Trump's mildly hidden, Pro-Cocaine stance? Hampered by an old military square? Or an Italian who was supposed to funnel drugs and prostitutes into the white-house discretely, but instead put the embarrassment in chief to shame, in person, and on twitter ("Twitter" is Scaramucci's and Trump's mutual favorite underage prostitute, possibly another source of friction [child like giggling]) , as well as social media? "John Kelly" is also Trump's safe word when he is being sexually tortured by Latina's in maid costumes while he is away at one of his many resorts and clubs avoiding the responsibilities of the office. What if this is all an elaborate big-cat like making dance, miles and miles of pursuit before "Alpha Kelly" "Tames" " President" Trump, the political bad boy brought to heel by a... sorry, no, its gross, its all gross, its like eating a plate of brownies you know a table spoon of @#$% has been mixed into, G-d help us all. What if Scaramucci was nothing more than man-bait to lure Kelly from being the head of a department, to the chief of Trump's staff? Why does everything about this presidency have to be wrong?


Husks 'R' Us

Do you loath dusty necropolises and crowded graveyards?
[Man comically, catastrophically, sneezes scattering human remains in all directions] [Women begins digging up a grave, but everyone turns and points towards her accusingly]

Husk procurement can be dangerous, difficult, not to mention taboo, so leave it to the professional

But need a husk for legal, recreational, ceremonial, medical, media, productions on stage, film or TV etc. or just to grind up or brew in a soup to give you a boner? We have husks of many species, sapient and primal, in formaldehyde, stuffed, mummified, skeletons and exoskeletons. We have exceptional specimens of husks, average ones, and husks deformed in every way imaginable, from husks that represent that species next step in their evolution, ones that were hunted for being just too different, to husks that begged us to kill them, we have the soulless remnant for you.

Can't choose one husk? Why not try one of our famous husk platters, or ask one of our Husk imagineers to help you build the husk of your dreams

While we do offer a wide variety of undead husks, ones that come with the promise that we charge the same price whether you are related to the husk, or just an aficionado, we also offer the  Husks 'R' Us Guarantee that our inanimate husks will never animate, and we back up that promise with ancient ruins carved into everyone of our husks, whether it is a zombie apocalypse or a vengeful warlock, our husks will never turn against you, that's the Husks 'R' Us difference.

We have adorable husks, you know, for the kids... awe!

So whether you are new to the world of husks, or an Ole'Husky, we have the variety and quality you've come to expect from Husks 'R' Us, the only husk merchant that is certified by the FDA to sell, distribute, appropriate, and produce husk products of every type, including ointments,lubricants, and tinctures, and licensed to sell extraterrestrial husks when captive populations reach a level where they can be treated as livestock. So come on down to a Husks 'R' Us near you, or our VHS catalog brought to you by a guy, who knows a guy.

Come again soon!!!


Scaramucci: "I can do more cocaine than any of you, and that makes ME BETTER THAN YOU!"

Here "The Mooch" can be seen describing the line of cocaine he just did, and he got the nickname "The Mooch" from always partaking in cocaine, while rarely paying for it

Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci blasted the gathered journalist after insisting on arm wrestling who he deemed their leader and lost, Scaramucci responded by calling him a "@#$%ing cheater" and promised that his lawyer is going to ruin him, between sniffles that were partially emotional, and partially from all the cocaine he just did. Scaramucci added:

"I can buy, sell and @#$% each of you and your mother, that is if I can get you all to stop jerking each other off long enough to bend you over, you're all bunch of @#$%ing leakers who wouldn't know their @#$% from their @#$%. Priebus, Bannon, and the white house presscorp sitting tree @-#-$-%-I-N-G, don't you look at me, don't you dare look at me you piece of @#$%! You haven't earned the right to look at me! I will take your eyes out with a melon baller! You all think you can waltz in here and judge, well the patriots will judge you when Trump declares hunting seasons OPEN on purveyors of fake news!"

He went on to make a series of noxious statements, and providing an encore of a few favorites, such as "Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac...'Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months" and "I'm not Steve Bannon, I'm not trying to suck my own cock".Finally the President has bat@#$% insane to match his own, and a fan of twitter to boot.  


Metal Detectors are Islamophobic

Electrical currents are a Zionist plot, its a well known fact! Or possibly a common confusion, Einstein/ Edison could be the same person just using wigs and facial hair, you can't prove they aren't. As such it adds insult to injury to use them to detect the tools of the righteous martyr by occupying crusaders before they punch their ticket to paradise. Of course, perhaps, if the Palestinians hadn't desensitized the Israeli public to the absolute necessity of  onion like layers of defense to keep political murderers at bay, you know, with the Palestinians favorite form of protest being murder and all, they may be more sensitive to the opposition.

It's like Hiroshima had sex with MK-ULTRA and the abortion didn't die

There was a time, long ago, a Golden Age, beginning in 1968 when PFLP Hijacked El Al Flight 426 for 40 days till 1979 when Zionist beam detectors ended that halcyon Age of violent, Jet based protests, when proud Arab men got the attention they deserved for the worse possible reasons, with 9/11 being , sadly, the Indian Summer of it. Metal detectors are like West Bank Barrier walls, compressed into an entrance sized machine, dammit, the Zionist authorities won't even allow us the basic human dignity of spray painting metal detectors, much less smash them and their operators with an aluminum baseball bat, like the honor of the prophet demands.

Wandering, on a cross, or bust

I mean let us be fair with Islam (and to a much, much lesser extent, Christianity), when they were piecing together acceptable segments of the Jewish experience to form their own monotheistic system, they never really thought the Jews would mount a comeback, and both did their darnedest to make sure that was the case, but with the craziness of WWII and feeling bad about how many of them were murdered for no reason at all, they forgot that their belief systems rely on a weak and defeated Jewish people, way to drop the ball two largest monotheistic religions. To be fair to the Palestinians they did collaborate with the Nazis in hopes of liquidating the Levantine Jews, but you know what they say about the best laid plans...

If you despise Jews, Hitler is great company

Now, the enemies of Islam are making a mountain out of mole hill when the servants of Allah murdered two measly Policemen to infringe on the rights of Muslim Palestinians to use a religious shrine to launch attacks on the innocent. The idea that people who overwhelmingly support violence against their Jewish neighbors should be suspected of planning to harm Jews using any means necessary, just because they have used every means at their disposal to harm Jews in the past, is indefensible.

These Jewish dogs need to be smart, not right, and not start to think that there is some point were only right is right.



36% Of Americans just want to lay down their lives for their nation/city/family/single gesture, already for G-d's sake!

Overcomes ring-addiction AND helps save the fellowship, lucky duck

Most sensible Americans would never contemplate suicide, the social, financial, and, you know, legacy things, just make it unfeasible. On the other hand, on the battlefield? For glory? Immortalized in a noble cause [Nation strokes mustache thoughtfully]. I know what your saying, there are no noble causes, its all just shit and taxes, and that's the attitude that has kept you from feasting and fighting with eternal heroes in Valhalla, because any cause is righteous and worthy if A) Your getting paid B) It is legally (By your guys) sanctioned violence, that allows a sportsman like chance for death C) You gotta want it, and according to our survey 36% do.

All he wanted was to bravely save the kingdom from the evil incest family, and this is the thanks he gets, but he will be remembered, and there will be repercussions, so, pretty awesome

We are all flawed and fragile creatures living lives of occasional and fleeting purpose, you're meat, I'm meat, everyone you ever loved is or was meat, and if they ain't meat, they have returned to the primordial shit, but people don't say that about people who die for their beliefs, just ask Jesus, Joan of Arc, the entire cast of the Alamo, remembered on the screen, in art, as vaunted cultural icons beyond repute, with minor attention paid to the lives they lived before they got in over their heads and were martyred violently, with flimsy pretexts for cause, walla, you are a legend! Life is hard, but there is no end to folks trying to enlist folks in causes where they will face danger and death in their stead. So sign up get a gun and uniform and go be a hero just like your sergeant told you not to. Or, being the iconoclast you are invent or shape a fledgling movement in your image and then achieve G-d like status in your martyrdom, either way, have fun with it!

But nobody remembers the guy who gets pushed of a cliff by a cow ( The Field 1990), loser, with a loser dad


Michael Chernus is the storm, and soon everything will be Michael Chernus

If he isn't your brother/friend/ Co-worker already, he will be

Scientists have unearthed a disturbing, yet comforting, trend as the undeniable truth, can not be denied any longer, that non-essential white males are being systematically replaced by Michael Chernus AKA "The Chernus", "The Generic Angel", "Party Slag"and "Everyman, if Everyman let himself go but had a personality to compensate".

While his modern incarnation was born in 1977, Chernus like figures have been identified throughout history, always ambiguously middle aged

Michael Chernus would like you to believe he was born in Rocky River, Ohio AKA Midwest Anytown, on August 8th 1977 AKA the school-less beginning of lazy hot month during the Carter administration, even recounting it gives the reader mild retrograde amnesia, especially due to his special circumstances, primarily that aside from forged documents, photographs and lying witnesses, there is no physical evidence that Michael Chernus existed before 2007, when he turned 30, AKA...middle-aged.

Here Michael Chernus can be seen responding to me when I explained that I knew his secret, but he in turn explained that he was more powerful then I could possibly imagine and invited me to take a shot at the devil, but warned me that I better not miss, I honestly thought he meant my camera...since it was in my hand, I regret not killing Michael Chernus when the chance was presented

Michael Chernus is an ancient Satyr, which I can prove if people would allow me to strip him down and display his constant erection, or video tape him at his orgies where he will inevitably substitute the word fun with faun, and no he isn't just drunk and slurring his words as he partakes of every earthly pleasure. While surely this mythical thespian of stage and film will toy with mankind, since, isn't that the greatest pleasure this world has to offer? And who better to toy with than middle aged character actors unable to star? It is predicted, by scientists! That Chernus will occupy 95% of the supporting white, middle aged male roles, on stage, in film, married friends, that guy at the bar, and on TV, before his corporeal form disintegrates into a vinegary mist in 2027 as it will have aged past it's prime, only to reconstitute itself in some other non-descript time, in a non-descript place, to wreak non-descript havoc in the future.


Perfect Tweetstorm destroys Nebraska town

A combination of social, environmental, and of course, sexual factors led the town to emotionally engage in a series of flash purges, with enough overlapping grievances leading any observer to believe that everyone was butchering everyone they see and that it was everyone for themselves, leading to what was left of the town to be looted to death. An interconnected series of affairs, their revelation, a recent tornado, and a truly amazing roofing deal which included a free AR-15 Assault Weapon, a hazing gone wrong, a batch of marijuana laced cookies distributed at a church event, and a dreamy teenage drifter that came into town, earning the admiration of fellow youth, and demonized by the town's entrenched elite, all contributed to small town America turning on itself.

"It all just went wrong"

Without going into essential detail, and admittedly, reliable reports became rare near the end, we have an unparalleled example of mass hysteria forever immortalized in the fervent, chaotic, hateful, romantic communications that characterized this tragic event, but whose grizzly aftermath reminds us of the senseless violence information can cause, and how it needs to be controlled for the good of the masses, and that honest communication between lovers is a good first step towards averting future twitter related massacres that afflict the innocent and guilty alike.

Scrappy likes to have fun, do you like to have fun?

While a simultaneous possible hoax, sex tape of Shia Lebeouf/Justin Bieber with Scrappy The Wonder Dalmatian might have added fuel to the fire, as Scrappy The Wonder Dalmatian was a local hero from Volunteer Fire Troop No. 10, whose inaction allowed fire to consume the towns once vibrant city center, but instead a series of old but still poignant vendettas that came to life as the town lined up around the issue of Billy Mansetti who was paraded through the town with a decapitated cows head placed over his own with a haphazard straw based breathing apparatus, collapsing from aspirating "beefy chunks", who perished the following week when Anti-Mansetti partisans torched the hospital and several other pieces of vital infrastructure.

It was an old warehouse that all the kids spent an entire weekend on...

While the adults of New Gamla Nebraska turned against their neighbor the Charismatic young drifter Timothy "Master Grievance" Parcel led a series of rap battles, whose original content centered around our common drives and dreams, along with his signature Moonwalk/Robot dance and hardluck past, interweaved with the towns recent tribulations. After an especially emotional set at the Mitchet Residence, Sally Mitchet had the emotional strength to confront her emotionally abusive father who responded by torching Parcel's Rap Capoeira Dojo and Lynching him on a street lamp outside as an"Example".

The rest of the story being fire, civilizations petty attempts to reassert itself, and a local bowling alley marketing itself as a fortified, wi-fi free structure for families to ride out the crisis while working on their game, which was partially destroyed when besieged by feral townies, before being rescued by the national guard, discovering they where the sole survivors of their once typical town.


9 out of 10 scientists...

In any and every field, through extensive, some might even say excessive, definitely compulsive, analysis of the data, and rigorous polling, it has been found that 89.9%  of scientists will willingly disregard proper scientific theory, basic morality, and even established knowledge, will say anything! As long as it gets them laid. Trump & Friends, through the University of the Scarab has funded my research, not only into the social and sexual lives of the nation's scientists, creating detailed, often damaging, dossiers on nasty women and laughable losers to delight a giggling and obviously aroused Trump Jr. who will clap with glee, occasionally pawing at his groin.

"I like things that feel good"

Nay, the Trump dynasty has also funded my research into honeypot technology, the benefits of man-made global warming, how humans can be genetically modified to allow them to successfully mate with "Ancient Scarabs", hand reassignment surgeries, and Slavic culture, but my first and true love is stalking of scientists, as I remain unseen, and in many ways G-d like in my power and perspective, in-regards to this solitary scientist I or an associate is "researching", which always begin with an autopsy of any out door pets, with the remains returned by dawn at their doorstep with no other identification, like a scientist! And I have come to one overwhelming, some might say inconceivable, conclusion: Scientists will provide the underlying rational and foundation for a field of study and support it wholeheartedly, regardless of facts and experiments, if they are receiving exciting sexual favors, by attractive and interesting women, for expressing, supporting, and creating data for it, in close to 90% of the scientists we have entrapped with our experiments.

This is our science now, probably always has been 

While you might think that the lure of beer, cocaine and B-list porn stars would only attract a certain sort of scientist, under certain circumstances, according to my extensive research, you're 100% wrong. While 10% of scientists might have strong convictions, I think it is actually because they are sexually confused, and too uptight to even do a line off another scientists breasts, or even be cool with a scientist shotgunning half a beer and then spraying the rest of it on a female lab partner who is wearing only a white lab coat and skimpy loungerie, in their lab, home, where ever we thought we could do the best science, while taping it for blackmail purposes, or they were female scientists who were mysteriously immune to our unorthodox methods. 


Donut(s) Party

Now that you've had your fill of Donuts, let me tell you about Donut(s) Party...

First rule of Donut(s) Party, we don't tell ANYONE about donuts, why!?! Because it builds anticipation that might not be fulfilled based on the participants behavior, which would in turn lead to unwarranted resentments, because it was YOU who broke the...Second rule of Donut(s) Party, Donut(s) Party is an incentive based social gathering, where good behavior is rewarded, some of the founders of Donut(s) Party believed it should also be where poor behavior is punished as spectacle, but we don't hang out with those people anymore and they are not invited to Donut(s) Party. Third rule of Donut(s) Party, you can have as many donuts as you want, but only one at a time, no picking off frosting or "sucking creme", leaving a sugary untouchable husk of a once proud dessert and expecting us to stand by while you prey on yet another, anyone who tries to do this, will be beaten, stripped, and left by the side of the highway, rhetorically of course, and no matter how angry one is, always politely... Or no donuts. The Fourth rule of Donut(s) Party, is the same basic golden rule most advanced cultures have, whether it be Buddha, Hillel, or Jesus saying it, but we have chosen to go with the "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" version, and ask participants to be excellent to each other, and party on dudes. The fifth rule of Donut(s) Party: We are not affiliated with any religion or political party, but instead promote our own political platform, with all members expected to vote only for Donut(s) Party approved candidates, referendums etc. etc. and while Donut(s) Party does not discriminate against religious backgrounds, we do have a non-negotiable philosophy, many of its precepts are kept secret, both to avoid persecution, the dissemination of Gnostic knowledge to un-believers, who might in turn mock that which they do not understand,and because it will give us something to talk about at future Donut(s) Party's. The sixth and final rule of Donut(s) Party is the belief that time and space are on one celestial millstone, that coincidentally look like two donuts rotating in opposite directions, that purifies the soul into a pure and eternal state through a variety of reincarnations, both human, animal, plant and inanimate, towards the goal of a perfectly refined universe, and that Donut(s) Party is an integral part of that.


Hillary Clinton admits...

Hillary Clinton admits that she could never animate her base like Trump can, and that even during the campaign most voters subconsciously saw them as an old married couple.

"I mean, did you see the women's march! I would like to say my inauguration crowd would have been that large, but in all tru-th-full-nes, it probably would have been just friends, family, anyone I could threaten into being there and few stray dogs, and if anything, my methods and views would have made misogynist and racists shine like they haven't since "Birth of a Nation", while my base would barely have the energy to shame them, much less engage them in meaningful debate. Yes, I would have burned down congress, blamed it on white nationalists, use the police to quash dissent, declare a state of emergency, and amend the constitution to allow me to make law with out the legislature in my first 100 days, so my bases passion would have been inconsequential, but still..."

Said the former First Lady to her bathroom mirror, which is actually a two way glass, that the former president uses to voyeuristicaly pleasure himself during his wife's morning routine, as it is the only way she can still arouse him after 42 years of "marriage". She went on to clarify that disloyal staffers, men, who are by their nature misogynistic and bigoted, women who hate her for her power and grace, unfavorable winds & tides, and a G-d who refuses to bend to her will because he is an obstructionist, are the causes for her defeat, not anything about her history and personality.

Thankfully her shrill crescendo blaming white males for our financial, social and military woes  drown out Bill's moans and squishes