Inca Pride

In a roaring global success story Inca and Inca admirers have taken to the streets to raise awareness of Inca culture in its many permutation, many of which  seem to be wildly sexual in nature, and a big part of what makes you Inca is that you, very clearly, in vivid detail if you have the time, and without concern for civility, let friend and stranger know exactly what kind of sex you plan on having.
The banner of Kuychi, the Rainbow g-d of fertility, and the symbol of Inca Pride 

While surely in the golden age of the Inca there would have been a “warriors’ cultivation,” attended by soldiers, mummified rulers, nobles, clerics, and the general population of the Inca beginning on the auspicious June solstice and culminating nine days later with the ritual breaking of the earth using a foot plow by the Inca himself, which has been largely replaced with symbolic police officers, bikers in ass-less chaps (Probably a playful allusion to Inti, the Inca Sun g-d, in that he has uncovered a place where the sun does not shine) and legions of female golf enthusiasts engaging in sexual politics and exhibitionism, but, despite these changes, the spirit remains the same.

Inca revelers, in what we will call "traditional dress"


[Time and space travelling] Father and son reconcile

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have been seen reconciling their differences, and have been seen bonding over their respective, probably temporary, importance in their respective, previously, great nations. While reconciling one of the four time traveling "Sexualtimenauts", with their/its offspring means silently placing their hand pads together, allowing  their ganglia to unfurl and entwine, beginning a rhythmic hum in unison as electricity pulses around and through their naked bodies as they either transfer "timedata" or they will be pulled through a tear in the space time continuum where they will enjoy a raucous Whovian adventure through time and space, which often results in additional bonding, though, occasionally, estrangement, which, with the distance it creates, generally results in a truer, more honest, bonding, and at some point during that story arc, additional adventures!
The father and son take a commemorative photo after a very 80's adventure

 While to the outside observers this reconciliation has only begun over the last few months, because of their use of time travel, they have been drawing ever closer for nearly 936 years from their perspective, and they have been able to keep them a secret by beginning them in one of Trumps many derelict properties, or a for cash, by-the-hour, hotel Johnson owns and operates next to the docks just outside of Glasgow, though they generally end with the duo separated, and trudging naked, covered with seaweed and coastal debris on the beaches of their respective nation muttering their mutual catchphrase " I gotta stop doing this", with a grin that lets you know the two are lying even as they say it and will be meeting up again soon, for another adventure, or a timedata transfer, or they will initiate a rape dance reminiscent of the mating rituals of other parasitic worms, as nothing is below them, except, occasionally, angrily, each other.    
These face-only image displays their countenance as they gain the dominant position in the rape-dance, and the other will be laying a clutch of "time-eggs" in three months, probably at a comically inopportune moment 


"Sorry Brian, no one noticed your 'Brexit'"

DuLane Lousiana - Brian Wards, 23, and a native son of Louisiana, has met another road block in his personal journey in self promotion as his flamboyant exits, which he hoped would gain him notoriety and recognition, such as his 2013 Christmas Brexit, where he announced to revelers that he had spiked the punch with LSD,exited, padlocked the exits, and cut the power and phone lines, before he shouted through a bull horn "That's a BREXIT @#$%'s" and then dropped the bull horn and left. With the British nation poised to leave the European Union, and possibly throwing the Europian continent into turmoil (Again! Pull it together Europe), thus overshadowing a Dulane natives attempt at presenting himself as a palatable dandy to bayou high society. While one might belittle a mans attempt to brand an especially obnoxious way of leaving a cooperative social gathering, well, you never saw little Brian the Bastard, whose daddy ran away with secretary and whose momma lived at the bar, get tagged out on the dodge ball field, shaking with fury, he cut the ball open and stuck it over the face of the boy who tagged him, pushed him onto the ground as the other sought to remove his rubbery mask and help him breath, Brian turned around, both middle fingers fully erect as he shouted "AND THAT'S A BREXIT". Now poor Brian the Bastard will have to find a new way to define himself, possibly in a magical land of wizards, knights and kings, known as Great Britain.
Brian has Brexited the USA and hopes to make a grand Brentrance upon his arrival in the UK


The Creator of the AR-15 only meant for it to "Wipe out the Oriental menace"

He likes racism about as much a he likes secession

The family of the Eugene Stoner, the inventor of the AR-15 (which was developed into the M16), and many other awesome ranged puncturing tools, never meant for his work to be sold to "Men without the convictions necessary to do what needs to be done" which is taken to mean civilians, but that is a matter of interpretation to some. Pressed further the former Marine aviator and WWII vet stated " I make the tools necessary to cull the Red herd, and make the world safe for Western Civilization, and subject others to our will, at our will" his family corroborated these statements with autographed transcripts and 8mm films of the discussion. In one such reel Stoner, clearly high, rambled on about his eugenic fantasies, and that his G-d given ingenuity was a celestial counter weight to the mongoloids natural fertility, and Confucian reproductive ethics. The family even produced a copy of his will, a portion of which stated that his weapons should only fall into the hands of United States civilians "if our boarders are overrun, my righteous weapons should be distributed so as to slaughter our mandarin overlords".  


How many billions could you spend?

Admitting that the main reason for the federal government was to create the spectacle of an entity wasting billions of other peoples  hard  earned money, regularly, and having just watched the 1985 Richard Pryor classic "Brewster's Millions" the elderly Senator suggested the next President be chosen in a contest, where they will spend the entire federal budget between now and election day, and to pay for the rest of the physical year with lots of debt. While Sander's might just be fishing for ways to stay in the race and get out his message that both parties are " a bunch of @#%$ - tards" and "GunZ!GunZ!GunZ!" both Trump and Clinton responded enthusiastically.
Free Booty augmentation for everyone!

While both Trump and Clinton made their prefatory insults in regards to a man who has more executive and legislative experience than the two candidates combined, and has stuck to his political philosophy for the entirety of his political career, which is a level of fidelity that both of the other candidates find laughable. In the end they gleefully endorsed his plan, dreaming of all the drama and corruption they could cause with hundreds of billions of dollars that they will get to spend frivolously on things that improve the lives of no one except those being paid to do it. Clinton has already outlined her plan for a vast bureaucracy whose entire purpose will be to give cushy jobs to the 2nd sons of our nations leading families.

In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous

Trump has, upon hearing of this new contest, driven his wall project into hundreds of billions of debt before construction even starts, using his trademark "Chapter 11" moves to restructure his debt and screw over even more Americans. He will also use these funds to deny basic rights to stigmatized minorities despite the cries of the Supreme Court and the Obamination in chief. Obama, clearly sniffling and petulant, is seeing his last chance to forge a legacy with other peoples money go up in smoke as the candidates frenzy to show America how expertly they can spend their money heats up and depetes the treasury. The Obama Administration continues to protest the emptied coffers of our nation and how this contest has excited the imagination of a easily distracted electorate, and stolen his thunder.


Lucy has moved the football for the last time


Sanders promises no retreat, no surrender

The end may justify the means as long as there is something that justifies the end.

Sanders, promising to continue the struggle stated:

"I am pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good at asymmetrical warfare, and I think everyone will be pretty surprised when we commit ourselves to unilaterally demolishing this nations crumbling infrastructure and executing the powers that be, after show trials and public humiliation, and I promise to, personally shoot in the back anyone who deserts the cause."

He said at a Hollywood-bowl festooned with pro-Sander, pro-Marxist graffiti and the corpses of unfaithful super delegates  suspended from the rafters with telephone wire, as the wicked glow of trashcan fires played on his 20,000 followers, who fired their Kalashnikov into the air with his every utterance, before melting into the Hills to fight in Sanders endless, borderless war of all against all.