Raven-Symone and Bill Cosby to run off together to the Isle of Amnesia, AKA Dirty Brooklyn Basement + strong dissassociatives

Raven - Symone calls this his "pudding face".

Vowing to move to Canada if Republicans dare to nominate a candidate , the once and future Cosby kid stated that she already had a ticket to a secluded Canadian Island which had no official law enforcement. Raven continued by stating she will put her phone into the care of her lawyer, escape to Canada and no one but Bill Cosby will know. Raven continued that if Ted Cruz was nominated she would have to drink whatever was in front of her, no mater how long Bill Cosby was left with it beforehand.

Hillary Clinton wants to "autotune" History

Its Ironic!!!...?
Hillary Clinton stated that if elected she would have civil and labor rights leaders airbrushed out of iconic images, and have her age appropriate self digitally inserted (William was obviously delighted, till her realized he wouldn't be fingering a 20 something Hillary).
This is my tolerance face
Clinton began by sighting precedent, as Stalin and Hitler had done before her, but when reporters questioned her program or sources of inspiration she had Secret Service agents, who she fondly calls her SS, open up on them with fire hoses and starved German Shepards. After the room had been cleared and the wounded impounded, she explained how she was a women fighting in a mans world married to an unfaithful spouse that she should be applauded for remaining with and sympathized with for the cruelties.inflicted upon her, and if you question that paradigm, she will bleed you out herself.


The Conspiracy not to assassinate Trump Pt 1.

Since the early 80's is it has been commonly held wisdom: bang, bang two in the head and one in the chest, if you are a bombastic venture capitalist punk with cajonese of a space age polymer known to alien ex pats only as Trump/Donald, you know its not that simple. Prior to his birth certain ancient cults, I'm looking at you Zoroastrians, so hard it hurts, began slaughtering pigs and dogs in untold numbers, a lot from south Asia...more than you would expect. Diverting blame towards the national well association and other canine scapegoats, you guessed it, time travelling renegades, they are everywhere, woven in time. Began their impudent reavings. Why wont they stop [pantomime pulling ones hair out] , because of Donald MLK Trump, the quantum agent version of Trump who has saved existence time and time again, and whose only weakness is that his life, that of a altruistic omni-powerful savior to mankind, DMLKT who has saved mankind from threats foreign and domestic native and extraterrestrial, but, as I eluded to before is tied to the bombastic Megalomaniac Mogul Donald Trump, two bodies, one life force.
Things just got complicated
So while the anti-Trump Death squads loaded onto Osprey's and proceeded by a 36 hour bombardment are doable, and even pleasant, can we afford to kill Trump? Both the long and short answer are a resounding, deafening and aggressive "no" but let us elaborate:
A) Trump is, theoretically, a person, of course the accident at Pearsons pier put that to the test, but...basically human material, not fit for murder.
B) Murdering a paranoid Billionaire is difficult, Margaritas are easy...apolitical, welcome to Margaritville, or something.
You gotta ask, how bad do you want it
C) Cyborgs, especially time travelling ones, love Trump, sometimes too hard, sometimes too fast, but it is still called love, in a monochromatic voice as the pincers close around your larynx.
D) My little Ponies
He will do things, Pony things
DMLKT certainly has a range of allies despite his uretheral meatus of an alter ego, 90% of them want him to live; 80% of the time, which means its time for the Shadow UN to be called!
Both UN's are creepy in their own way


Adolf Hitler had a Micropenis!? Or a Microscopic Penis?

His genitals probably resembled the maw of a squid, but in comically minuscule proportions

Scientists are coming to the conclusion that the Fuehrer's penis is far smaller than previously believed, while previous estimates of architect of the holocaust's dangle was between 4 and 5.5 inches (11.4 and 13.9 cm), it seems the butcher of millions penis, no matter how expertly used, could not possibly pleasure a women.

While almost all experts agree that his penis was very small, and his testicles where ugly even for testicles, and his man-meat was almost never erect, a small minority of researchers hypothesize that he in fact had a macro penis going so far as to call it a "super-de-duperdy big dick". These researchers often point out that the lack of funding for "Big dick research", especially in regards to a racist demagogue who slaughtered so many for dubious reasons, regardless of his true historical measurements, resulted in much slower, deeper and more rhythmic research before its results could blast into the faces of established Hitler Penis research. While it is true that a 9-inch Thor's hammer would throw historians for a loop, mushroom stamping their preconceived notions of a psychopaths phallic status forever across their figurative cheeks, no researcher would be willing to risk their professional integrity on that dick.

For now the most evil man in recent history, by any dignified account had a rabbit hole of a penis, crowned by a festering nub of a head, framed by deformed anemone like testicles.


London Mayor product of love quadrangle between Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, Clancy Brown and Margret Thatcher

Trump and Johnson often bond over belittling the others cherished institutions

In what was called  "The four post Parliament", a time traveling four sided love affair that traversed and transcended time and space to produce one of the most dishonest, charismatic, entertaining, homophobic, anti-European UK politicians alive today, has come to light. In what was originally a meta-birther challenge, has turned into one of the most baffling series of events and consequences, never recorded. No one is sure who exactly incubated  "De Pfeffel", or kept his egg warm through the cold winter of 1963-64, but what we know is, for some politically and professionally convenient period of time, they all loved him very much.

Johnson, AKA Alexander has not heard from Clancy Brown ever since the prolific actor found Jesus and forsworn time travel and its product

While all four agreed "It was the 60's", and "Time travel can make bedfellows of anyone, literally anyone", they are all very hazy on details, Trump mentioned being snow blind from coke and amyls, and Clancy said he was just so impressed by the setting and the power of the personalities involved that he just couldn't say no, while Sanders and Thatcher said they were unsure if their torrid love affair began or ended because of their positions on Irish hunger-strikers , again blaming the 60's, time travel, cocaine and mutual awe.
It is believed that the two politicians often met under the assumed names of Aunt Rose and Uncle Merve

All that is known for sure is that the Upper East side love pad where the future Mayor and MK was spawned, was owned by a trans-temporal holding company run by Trump, but the very act of Boris's conception spawned a wormhole which sucked both the young "Boris" Egg and Clancy Brown into an alternate dimension and deposited them into their own pool of quantum foam, one to become a renowned character actor, the other to pierce his calcified embryo with his horned beak and crawl into Stanley & Charlotte Johnson's heart, who temporarily contemplated flushing it before deciding to raise it as their own. While Thatcher and Sanders continued to meet, alternatively in NYC and Boca Raton Florida for decades, posing as an old argumentative Jewish couple, Trump was left with only his memories... and a safety deposit box full of 8 mm film.  


Time travelling activism takes its toll on Brown University

(Providence, Rhode Island) - Brown Universities recent  Pathways to Diversity and Inclusion: An Action Plan for Brown University (DIAP) has suggested many extremely sensitive and delicately put racial initiatives,  and these efforts have physically and emotionally bankrupted local time traveling activists.  Under Sources of community input they detail a number of activities, which, at the time, had taken place 90 years in the future, for example:
Faculty Forum (December 9, 2105), 220 attendees
- Faculty of Color Group (December 10, 2105)
- Chairs and Center Directors Meeting (December 14, 2105)
- Community Forum, hosted by the Swearer Center for Public Service (December 14, 2105), invitees were representatives from local organizations working in areas such as education, community development, arts, disabilities, criminal justice, homelessness, and health.
- Administrative Leadership Group (December 18, 2105)

Now what could have been so important that for 9 days activists had to be sent 90 years into the future to meet with faculty, chairs and center directors,  local organizations working in areas such as education, community development, arts, disabilities, criminal justice, homelessness, and health, as well as administrators? Except the race war, and not just any race war, but World Race War III. Imagine having lived through three hellish wars that divided everyone based on race, gender and class, rendering 90% of the world surface uninhabitable with survivors taking refuge in hermetically sealed communities constantly warring with each other for resources and "bio-material". One last refuge of learning survives and they expend the last of their resources, dooming their present to bring a small group of Ivy League activists to see what is their future, if they can't fix their past. These shell shocked activists, returning broken and with but one message, "diversity by any means necessary". fearful of the future, some unwilling to even use their names anymore, fearing cybernetic time agents bent on turning humanity against each other, as can be read about here in greater length.  One time traveling student activists reported “My grades dropped dramatically. My health completely changed. I lost weight. I’m on antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills right now. (Counseling and Psychological Services) counselors called me. I had deans calling me to make sure I was okay,” Meanwhile, he struggled to balance his classes, job and social life with the activism to which he feels so dedicated. Stressors and triggers flooded his life constantly, he said. In any event, sentence or subtext he can see the seeds of a cycle of violence that will destroy us all, and how microaggression will mutate into Macroaggression and genocidal ideation. Some of the time travelers have even begun using the pronouns xe, xem and xyr to avoid lost generations and making a wasteland of our future. How their efforts will bear fruit, or if they would ever become functional adults is unknown, though unlikely.


The circle of, oh...dear G-d! NOoo!


After 16 years of  arguments, tears and a few laughs, a South African lioness brutally murdered her warden in a raw display of independence, for which she was immediately murdered.  Hluhluwe-Imfolozi wildlife park, in the eastern province of KwaZulu-Natal, will now be just a little bit quieter, a little bit sadder, and a little less sexually awkward to no longer have a warden and a mega LILF doing G-d's awful work.  

Marc Rubio admits to secret lust(s)


After George W. Bush brought this fetish into vogue it was just a matter of time before it crossed party lines. A young latino heart throb, a neglected and suffering wife... a wet rag and a water can.

Bleach that thing and get over it


Rape U

Campus Safe Space
Founded in 1846 by Timothy Rape, an Asylum Doctor who specialized in non-consensual therapies, Rape University has grown into what US News World report has called " An abomination filled with abominations, it is a national shame, and I don't think I am being too harsh, a crime against humanity." Our campus is situated deep in the Ozarks, surrounded by the raw natural beauty of dense woods, isolated swamps, forgotten caves and decommissioned sewage systems, which are complimented by our cutting edge campus, from soundproof dorm rooms to its darkened library staffed by only the deafest and blindest librarians available. Rape University is stepping into the 21st first century with eyes forward, living up to our founders motto "Its going to happen". From our champion football team the Sabines, to its world class wrestling team making their adversaries squeal " Rape U!" is on every students lips. As our Provost, Ida Rape said " People respond a lot of different ways when someone says Rape U, but I am pegging each and everyone of you, every day, whether you like it or not, as the kind of students, bright eyed and with the prettiest mouths I have ever seen, who will grab the world by its throat and Rape the hell out of it!" using the campus slang for taking what you want by any means necessary.