1/27/2018

G-d sad that faithful reject evolution

G-d, currently incarnated as a feral S.E. Asian dog, thought evolution was pretty cool 
The creator of all, who is eternal, thought a system by which small inherited variances, over time, give an organism an enhanced ability to compete, survive, and reproduce, and has the ability to dramatically alter their appearance and nature, much like the dog, which is his name spelled backwards, was a "pretty @#$%en cool idea". While the traditional 7-day cold start was a great way to get a bunch of shithole mud dwellers to shape up and get their act together, he couldn't wait for his creations to find out the wondrous, yet work-a-day genesis of life, that is evolution, G-d added:

Frankly, I could purge the holy@#$% out of this rock: asteroid, space plague, your own hubris, whatever, boom. As long as I got snakes, turtles, rats and roaches, I can have biodiversity wherever I want it within 25 million years, because of an incredibly smart system of self selection that I installed like gravity.

G-d would also like to remind us there is a spooky skeleton inside all of us, except invertebrates,sharks, and any number of unspeakable horrors

A clearly irate, impassioned, and all powerful G-d continued:

I have explored vertebra world, and rarely found it wanting as I shepherded it through its myriad morphological forms. That said, and this coming from the most advanced and only truly eternal being, bug world is, and will always be, an option. Invertebrates are still the vast majority of the planets  animate biomass, and have biologically, attained levels of complexity that vertebrates, socially, have attained only recently, evolutionarily speaking, which I thought would be the jive talk of the initiated, the B in plan B, stands for "bug"

The deity alcoholics the world round have come to know, concluded with:

I am thinking of a Myriapoda species, innately feudal, coarse, and fixated on feeding, reproducing, and attaining "Purity". They will never attain FTL capabilities, but will spread through grotesque generation ships, and if the species they come in contact are weak or primitive, they will consume and reproduce unchecked, turning feral in the absence of opposition. On the other hand, if they meet a superior species, they will go invasive, attaining civilization and culture as a means of destroying their enemies, only to send their elite out in generation ships to colonize new worlds, leaving the plebes to cannibalize each other. Is that what you want?

While it seems the creation of such a species is just the musings of a supreme being feeling vengeful over his adherents rejecting his super cool reality, for the training wheels version of the universe, he is still the being holding all the cards, so, respect.