How Trump became a "Candidate"

Misandrist and snobbish phonetics professor MD, PHd, etc. etc. will no longer throw his pasty soft hands in the air with frustration with the churlish and uncultured Trumps inability to learn cultured affectations. Seemingly originating in a wager with Trump that what separates the classes is speech, not money,  the Professor chose the biggest lost cause he could find, witnessing him first hand singing with coal lobbyists about how lovely it would be to do business without regulations, in addition to telling the professor that he could buy and sell him with what was in his pocket, the professor promised to turn him into the ideal candidate, and Trump was chosen because "He's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty."

I sold real estate; I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a candidate of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else

Trump for his part has done his best to follow the elderly professors elocution lessons, but came to chaif under his abrasive and unsympathetic tutelage, singing a long winded and aggressive song about how he would have exaggerated and childlike vengeance against the professor, but deep down he really wants to leave the churlish, smallhanded boy from queens behind and become a real American candidate. Just as all were about to give up he perfectly recited "The pain train will turn you into a greasy stain" to the amazement of all, then shouting out, inregards to the moment, that it was "yuuuge" before comically covering his mouth, the curtains come down, and the houselights come up for intermission.

Trumps entire personality has been shaped by his battle with chronic constipation

Trump describes, in graphic and unwanted detail, his daily battle to remove golf ball like scat from his chapped cloaca 

After careful deliberation, a blue ribbon panel of psychologists,entomologist and proctologists have concurred the Republic abomination, Trump Mc-Donald's attitudes, beliefs and even sense of spirituality and worth are all related to and built upon a foundation of chronic fecal impaction going back over 45 years. Carrying a daily average of around 30-40 pounds of solid waste in addition to a lugubrious sludge produced when he eats faux mexican food from one of his many "authentic"(quotations were added to emphasize the sarcasm)  restaurants, the outsider candidate sometimes becomes a winter wadi of silty discharge when he eats an entire nacho hat to try and prove to his Hispanic cleaning staff that his hatred of their race is conditional and he recognized the existence of good ones, both due to the partial cathartic release he gets from an incomplete feculent discharge, and that, with the general release of waste, which puts pressure on much of his vascular system, intern, this affords him moments of partial, delirious, "clarity" after each squirt. It is also believed that some of his behavior is directly influenced by the royal scarabs gestating within his knotty fibrous dung formation that makes up over a fifth of his mass.  Infected by a rare form of Scarbaeus sacer, who have been collecting young shit from his upper intestines since the mid 70's and forming them into relatively vast structures like those formed by using puddled and poured adobe, for themselves and their larva, and eventually, sometime in the late 90's attained a sort of hive sentience, that was both entirely self centered and instinctual, slowly taking over its hosts higher functions, and instinctively attempting to attain hierarchic dominance through the most crude and direct method available. Seemingly, the only way for King Scarab not to be elected to the White House, is if we get him to literally shit his his brains out.  

PeanutZ

Clinton's Table Talks: 2nd Amendment

She will rid the Fatherland of every last "Super-predator"