Obama to colonize Mars

Here's looking at you kid!
Many have speculated what one of the youngest and most alive US  presidents, who is set to finish his second and final(?) term in a few short months,will do with the probably lengthy remainder of their life. Well, the President has made his intentions clear. President Obama, his NASA certified wife, and two, then, cryogenically frozen daughters, along with 500 astronauts, scientists,soldiers, engineers, "breeders", and one corporate shill trying to make money off of Xenomorphs, all of whom have already elected Obama as their King, and ipso facto, the King of Mars, will blast off! Capable of levying Martian taxes, and signing treaties with the Lobster Men of Olympus Mon, and or any space Nazis or Communists they might discover, as well as evolved space ape colonies, The Obama will decide, but with this great power the responsibility for protecting his subjects from any and all form of monstrosity, will falls upon his gawky shoulders, no matter how much he wants to sign a lopsided treaty with them.

As the Obama grows old, he will bond the two rival factions with his cryogenically preserved daughters, who have been taught "The Legacy"

From Obama city, built from the collapsed lava tubes of Arsia Mons, Obama will seek to live the simple life, farming algae,  harvesting water from glaciers, creating fertilizer from human excrement, and forgetting all those earth problems he probably had a hand in creating. Putin, Trump, Clinton, the fate of the ACA, "Fast an the Furious" etc. etc. Those are earth problems for earth people, or as The Obama will pejoratively refer to them, " a bunch of  Goldilocks", who need to "quit their whining". He also occasionally makes brief cryptic transmissions whose purpose is unknown, but some believe he is trying to egg on Iran and Russia, and play into their paranoia, thus precipitating a world war, which would make Obama's Mars colony the torch barer of human civilization. If this comes to pass, it is believed he will then grow a second head, as he feels the only one worth talking to/listening to, is himself and run for the Presidency of the Galaxy. 

No comments: