America to World "We are horny for Assad's blood"

This is Syria, Assad is the G-String, and Sunni Muslims and western democracies are begging for it, what else is America to do?

While America doesn't want to admit it, especially around our first black President, nothing would make us happier, as a nation, than seeing Assad publicly executed. Honestly, I imagine seeing a bump in births 9 months after Assad's brutalized corpse is paraded through Damascus, and the sex act known as "The Assad" will involve hours of edging and a wild fantasy orgasm, we will work out the finer points after we actually kill the man. Honestly, Obama couldn't have built us up to a better national climax, getting his signals mixed and going after Bush's boy in the Arab Spring and passing the buck on Syria, playing coy and clueless, all the while knowing America wanted, no, needed, to penetrate Syrian airspace, again, and again until Assad is overthrown, and then step in for a partition so the Alawites don't get massacred, because a massacre of religious/ ethnic minorities, at the national level, is the opposite of sexy.

Given the chance, he will wreck Syria, and what Imperialist power will want them then?

Oh, I don't expect Russia to understand, they have their own interests, and have been gently fondling Assad since 2014, and now Trump wants to swoop in, Cuckold Putin and ravage Syria? Of course the ex-soviet East German honeypot will have to put up a fight, which just makes it hotter, slowly circling around Latakia until both nations shudder with a Russian evacuation, or WWIII. Lovers long kept at a distance by international norms, now brought into a close sensual dance, and sure, the last time our nations rubbed like this the USA was killing Nazis and the Rus where raping their wives and orphaning their children, we had a good thing, but there is one solid truth about Russia, its a cold bitch that never says "I love you", at the level of State, regardless, they need to know, this going to happen.

Sometimes Assad likes to get out of his killing cloths and go shopping with his wife, in Europe, away from his countrymen who desperately want to kill him

So let us tell Syria, that, like, a total eclipse of the heart, our nations' airforce and marines will only be making things right. So let us hope Trump's 58-59 missile, "Just the tip" strategy is just the beginning, and noting the American voters excitement, ramps it up, leaving Syria exhausted and gasping for international relief.