Is "Nice Jesus" a Zionist invention?

The disconnect between Christian actions, which are, globally, destructive, greedy, and coercive, and the teachings and life of Christ, couldn't be more different. Could the ostensibly trust worthy gospels have twisted the truth to fit their narrative, if the gospels themselves weren't literary invention to begin with? I am looking at you Thomas. Or have progressive editors of the bible expunged all the parts of the New Testament where Jesus is a stingy asshole who is all about getting his, figuring he would be forgiven later? Or, is the entire Jesus narrative, with its loaves, fishes, and state sanctioned murder of a free spirit who just wanted to fight the bank an invention of Zionist propaganda that has successfully gas-lighted the western world into believing in the existence of "Nice Jesus", as all true adherents of Christ know his life was immaterial, and that it is his fetishistic death and fantastical resurrection that should form the basis of ones faith and morality? We are going to go with that last one.

Jesus (actual) mostly used the fact that he was G-d's son to get his dick wet

Of course you are wondering, "Why are Zionists involved at all?", the polite answer is, because settlements pervert everything. The less polite answer is that Jews are an unpleasant reminder that Christianity is fan fiction and cultural appropriation, same goes for Islam (Latin/Greek and Arab style Judaism), so they hate them, but it isn't politically correct to hate them for that, so people make political excuses and demonize the ideological spirit of the only Jewish state, obviously. Also, Jews are notoriously clever, possibly a Darwinian adaptation to people always trying to murder them, but probably a satanic gift in return for Christian blood, so this bred/Satanic gift is the only way we can believe the central tale of a nigh two millennia old religion is actually a modern Zionist invention meant to engender meekness and weakness in superior races, which of course has to have a bespectacled, soft-spoken, meticulous, affable, POS Jew behind it.

Here we can see the Zionists demonstrating their "Nice Jesus" proof of concept for the Vatican in 1974

The following question is, if Jesus wasn't super nice, what was he like? And why would G-d (actual) forgive our sins if we believe in his "Son", if his son was all about pussy, beer, and pissing off Romans? Well, I guess that is something we all have to decide for ourselves, but, if I were to put together his life like a choose your own adventure story, I would say Jesus was a shitty debt ridden carpenter who had stayed one step ahead of the law till he took to grandstanding one fateful Passover, but whose death sent heart shape awesome rays at every person who believed in him, and G-d has made that belief the criterion for avoiding a horrifying eternity, because, why not?



The last permitted Q and A will be " But why would Jewish intelligentsia invent 'Nice Jesus'?" With the obvious answer being that a nice Jesus makes us less likely to murder them wholesale, Costco big-box style murder, with attending rape and pillage. Of course, any sane people wouldn't invent a false-flag deity to turn brutal pagans into sheeple, well besides Paul of course, the Jewish Benedict Arnold. Yet, we know, through reason, Zionists invented nice Jesus, probably, because Europeans just wouldn't let up with the constant, tantrum like murder of Jews...for centuries, which, AKA a pretty good reason. So was nice Jesus real? touring Judea, Galilee, and Samaria being awesome and doing awesome things for, and with, other awesome people. Or was "Nice Jesus" an invention of a bunch of Israeli conscripts in the 1970's as a counter to the Arabs Oil Embargo? The world may never know.