Trump to release a terrifying evil from its ancient slumber

This is the kind of support Trump craves 

Trump misses his old White house, a lot. From Bannon coming in with his party hat modified to handle two handles of scotch, while forgetting his pant. Trump and Kushners regular impromptu and scheduled tickle fights. Ten beautiful days were Scaramucci did a capoeira/parkour style dance, but instead of fighting or fleeing, he was doing lines off of everything and everyone, while looking for leaks and "communicating". Sean Spicer discretely pleasuring himself in the bushes, while Bannon orally pleasures himself, egged on by a wildly sniffling Scaramucci, Michael Flynn taping it for his "Russia Friends", who "just wanted to see how dudes party". All that only worked when you had Rance Priebus to bully, it is almost comical how easily you can make the man cry, and cry he did.

A Bannon-O-Gram costs extra if you don't want him to put on black face

Now it seems, he has chief of Staff John Kelly, a retired, multi star general (You start to count stars, where does it end? Shall we count the sand on the beach?) has committed to a brutal and, perhaps, despite everything, uncalled for culling of Trumps White House, which included the firing of some high level people, but also involved the state sanctioned murder of a lot of staffers to "set the tone" in the new White House. Yet when the lord high executioner has been away, besides sending secret missives to his bromantic partner Bannon, and paying for Bannon-O-Grams to see his old friend again, but refusing to tip him, and smoking weed whenever Kelley turns his back, but... In addition to these juvenile acts of rebellion Trump has been cavorting with sleazy archaeologists in an attempt to locate the wine embalmed sarcophagus of Asmodeus, Lord of Demons, who helped build the 1st Temple in Jerusalem, and seduced Solomon (He changed his name to Koheleth to avoid mockery afterwards, and then Asmodeus went after his mom)  to help him fix his failing presidency, something he learned about during  a regularly scheduled tickle fight with Kushner, a tickle fight so intense they ended up pissing on each other and getting a scolding from Kelly, yet, since that vitamin scented afternoon, Trump has thought of little other than freeing, binding, and befriending Asmodeus.

Trump, using the full power of the Federal government forged a series of decoder rings for himself and the other members of "Operation Kelly Keep-Away" which had four goals A) Locating the Prison/Sarcophagus of the devious and powerful entity. B) Binding it to our Presidents will C) Befriend/sacrificing to Asmodeus to get him in Trumps corner. D) All concerned will crap on Kelly's doorstep, "A @#$% Bukkake", said Rabbi Israel Sassover, Trump's new spiritual adviser who is obviously Scaramucci dressed as a Haredi Jew, in a fake beard powdered with cocaine, and then the assembled would urinate on their scat to create a hard to clean, unsightly, and smelly mess for "The Church Lady" to grumpily clean up, at which time the gang pelts him with rotten eggs that have been marinating in Bannon's man-shack since April.
Here we can see the gang comically fail at trying to order pizza, and instead content themselves with tickling and pissing on a traumatized Pence

Unfortunately, for those assembled, they were being led by Trump who immediately mangled the plan, tweeted about it, and decided to move forward with A, C and D without any clear idea of how to accomplish B, because research on B was taking too long and he was getting fidgety and belligerent. A black ops expedition to the Levant was launched and the sarcophagus was retrieved, in addition the expedition brought back several specimens for Trump's human zoo, too bad CNN won't talk about that success, because it is secret, and horrible, and they and their families would be targeted if they did. Since then the President has embarked on a series of inexplicable and cruel actions which seem nonsensical, unless you are trying to open a hell pit to allow you to release an ageless evil, but as of press time, the most he has elicited from the White House hell pit is a twitch and quiver, yet the possibility of an unrestrained creature being released from its sarcophagus, a being of limitless evil, power, and craftiness being unleashed on the nation, which, according to a recent poll, is preferred to a continued Trump Presidency[zing], like Trump in a debate, is imminent and looming

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