Trump's Pi day takes a pro-Pie turn

Are the mathematical qualities of Pi, for squares?

While those truly devoted Pi Day observers will argue whether the day is 4/13 or 3/14, or how far those who truly love a good circle should go after the decimal point, and those less puritanical adherents, who tolerate such talk, in return for round flaky desserts bursting with pectin fused deliciousness, Trump has insisted on honoring the dessert, over its inspiration.

Upon receiving this vanity pie from "Ray NJ Pizza", Trumped retired to the Residence for 2 hours of impromptu executive time, while staffers ignored moans of...eating? Till a sweaty grinning POTUS mumbled something about liking Italian before Kelly hosed the room down and bleached it.  

Ignoring the symbol of Pi entirely the President had arranged a series of photo ops with contributing restaurateurs, house wives of Scandinavian descent, and the "Pie-style" guy who made it a few rounds in a food-network show. Other White House "Pie Day" events included a depressing Pie fight Trump forced Interns to participate in, a Pie eating contest, followed by chain-vomiting, an "American Pie" themed orgy, and pie @#$%ing.

Later that day Trump revealed he he had used the egg-head holiday to put together a list of STEM extremists to purge from the government who had complained about the Pie centric behavior, despite National Pie Day being on January 23rd, and the mystery of the spheres being eternally perplexing and alluring, whereas the allure of a food in a shape that is, theoretically, infinitely divisible, is obvious.