3/14/2016

In response to the KKK's endorsement Hillary says "Thank you, but not now".

The KKK has switched its allegiance from Trump, almost entirely on Hillary's plans for a "Greater America".
America 2021, or bust
While most Clinton supporters look towards the domestic and foreign policies Clinton has put forward, few look at the billions Clinton has funneled into the adventures of hundreds of free-booting Stalinist white supremacists fanning out over the Americas, each making a revolution, only, in their individual allotment. From a flotilla of electric powered, wind supplied submersibles one Arkansas warrior had this to say:
A white band, like Martha's Vineyard from Portland to Portland, can you dig it!!!

3/10/2016

"I am saying "F---k You!", as hard as I possibly can" Says Ayatollah

Sayyed Ali Hosseini Khamenei would like the USA to take a seat and rotate
After Iran launched a number of Ballistic Missiles, in contravention of UN bans, with one having  "Israel must be wiped off the Earth," written on it in Hebrew, the Ayatollah had this to say:

 "I really don't know what we have to do to show you just how little we care about your sensibilities or what we would do to you if you ever fell into our power. We are planning a whole series of commemorative ballistic missiles capable carrying a nuclear war head and striking at US allies. We have already planned " Bend over Obama", "Iranian for Self Defense", "Totally not a nuclear delivery system [smirking face covering its mouth with its hand]" and many more, until we can finally weasel out of our treaty obligations and go all Allah on you."

It was also confirmed that there would be a "Trump" missile as well, but it was unclear if this was a insult or a licensing deal. Trump had this to say "Just so you understand, I don't know anything about Iran or its missile program, OK? I don't know anything about what you're even talking about with a Shia Theocracy or Islamic Revolution". Though he assured reporter that if a ballistic missile did bear his name it would have to be quality, and would definitely "Kill a lot of kikes".


3/03/2016

Hillary Clinton's Emails show she is just not a good person

Hillary Clinton texted this image to President Obama, which read " I just grabbed this girl on her way to school and brought her home with me, can I keep her?"


While Mrs. Clinton's email scandal has generally focused on the blase way that she handle sensitive information, much of which has reflected poorly on her as a former secretary of state and as the Democratic candidate for the presidency, but they also show that she is a huge, mean-spirited, power crazed jerk. While not a matter of national security, in one anecdote she described Bill's chivalry while her husband was governor of Arkansas:

"Bill, you know can sometimes be insensitive, but one rainy Arkansas day, Bill saw I was about step into a puddle, so he grabbed the nearest person to him by the neck, I believe it was an elderly [racial expletive] women, at least I think it was a women, you know how "those people" look after 50. Anyway, he pushed her face first into the puddle so I could walk over it, and kept his foot on her back until she thanked me for the privilege, I still get a good laugh out of it just thinking about it now."

She also discussed how she stole cutlery from state dinners, used interns as furniture, would kick the Obama's dog when no one was looking, and believed Obama's daughters were stealing from her, though she begrudgingly called Barack "one of the good ones."

In many emails Mrs. Clinton mentions the perverse joy she gets from farting in enclosed spaces 

After the 2012 Benghazi attack Clinton would send out news stories to staffers about how U.S Ambassador J. Christopher  Stevens was violated before and after his death, stating " The [Homophobic expletive] probably liked it, LOL. Seriously, they probably gave him his dream send off" and "He always was a pain in the ass".

In a internal white house contest for one picture that describes how one feels about the American people, this was her entry.
As of press, newly released emails described how she ate other peoples lunches, even when they were clearly marked, shat in urinals, and would discuss the upside of suicide to anyone who came to her with a problem.

3/02/2016

The Rise of the Super Delegates

A common feature in a democracy is civilian control of the military, but what happens when the masses are no longer beholden to their civilian leaders and become a threat to the established order? What happens when silent majorities rise up demanding that their voices be heard? We have no Ataturk to reign in the caprice and superstitions of the masses, and despite the militarization of our police forces, citizens can still be heard. Our Democratic elders, in a draconian display of their sagacity, spent over a decade (1968-82) developing the "Super Delegate". Originally only comprising 14% of all delegates in 1982, their numbers now comprise 20% of all delegates, and the DNC hopes, ideally, to swell their ranks to 30% of all delegates. They are chosen from the democratic elite, sitting Democratic Governors, Senators, Congressfolk and party leaders. These uber delegates are given the right to vote for their candidate of choice, irregardless of the feckless choices made by democratic voters.

"The people who cast the votes don't decide an election, the people who count the votes do."
Inoculated against populist sentiment, indoctrinated in party fealty and fitted with a range of cybernetic implants making them ideal for stumping for candidates, identifying potential and subversive voters,and infiltrating and manipulating caucuses, primaries and conventions. These delegates will use whatever means necessary to secure the coronation of the DNC's chosen candidate.


Texas is yours Mrs. Clinton
As of now the DNC is attempting to fit their super-delegates with temporal displacement devices so they can go back in time and kill Dorothy Sanders before Bernie is born, this saving Clinton from the embarrassment of having to actually convince the unwashed masses that she should lead them, though Sanders says he has a very, very, very good chance to send back his best friend to protect her from time traveling super-delegates.