3/18/2016

Accidental ISIS

Since its inception into varsity league terror, one of the most frightening things about ISIS is how inadvertently many people have joined it.
It was believed that Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott joined ISIS after getting exceptionally high
 Ashton Kutcher and his "Dude, Wheres my Car" co-star Sean William Scott accidentally joined last summer under "hazy circumstances" ,after which the Hollywood heartthrob giggled for a while and then admitted it had to do with smoking weed and the promise of more weed. While he has since returned to the USA and renounced his extremist ties, he still speaks nostalgically of the quality and quantity of the hash he smoked while he was sapping Palmyra and butchering Yazidis.
ISIS has been hacking road signs to divert gullible travelers to Northern Syria & Iraq
ISIS has also used its technical know-how and media acumen to advertise false tour dates and locations within ISIS territories for bands that openly promote drug (but not alcohol) culture, hacked road-signs to divert travelers into livestock containers bound for Raqqa, and by promoting its sex tourism on the dark-net. Several ISIS recruiters posed as quasi ethnic stand up comedians using French and Jewish jokes to test the room before inviting everyone to an after-party at "The Caliphate". and at least one recruiter has made  a name for himself trolling forums and suggesting, to a vast array of questions, "Joining ISIS couldn't hurt, right?" and has since made millions in T-shirt sales with that catchphrase.

No comments: