Hurricane Matthews may have released Floridians into the wild

If you cut an adult Floridian in half, they will grow into two compete Floridians
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has cautioned Americans that Floridians, once isolated in America's most phallic state, might have been released into the wild and have already begun breeding outside of their natural range, or as one especially tenacious couple did, throughout the hurricane, eventually washing up in Galveston, where the female promptly spewed forth a full litter of 6-8 hydrapods, that, with the help of the moon, the tide, and government welfare, will grow into 350 pound specimens capable of eating their weight in shrimp at a single buffet, and capable of believing they can wrestle a fully grown crocodile. After Burmese pythons and lion fish were released into North American Eco systems after hurricane Andrew, ecologists warn that a full blown Floridian infestation in the Midwest, New England, or frankly, anywhere outside of the deep south, would come into conflict with local populations, with the aggressive and barely clad Floridians pushing out their more appropriate competition, and could supplant the local population in as few as 50 years, that is, unless they fail to adapt to cold winters, continuing to wear bathing suits and halter tops no matter the weather, in which case they will freeze to death, and that will be that.

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