9 out of 10 scientists...

In any and every field, through extensive, some might even say excessive, definitely compulsive, analysis of the data, and rigorous polling, it has been found that 89.9%  of scientists will willingly disregard proper scientific theory, basic morality, and even established knowledge, will say anything! As long as it gets them laid. Trump & Friends, through the University of the Scarab has funded my research, not only into the social and sexual lives of the nation's scientists, creating detailed, often damaging, dossiers on nasty women and laughable losers to delight a giggling and obviously aroused Trump Jr. who will clap with glee, occasionally pawing at his groin.

"I like things that feel good"

Nay, the Trump dynasty has also funded my research into honeypot technology, the benefits of man-made global warming, how humans can be genetically modified to allow them to successfully mate with "Ancient Scarabs", hand reassignment surgeries, and Slavic culture, but my first and true love is stalking of scientists, as I remain unseen, and in many ways G-d like in my power and perspective, in-regards to this solitary scientist I or an associate is "researching", which always begin with an autopsy of any out door pets, with the remains returned by dawn at their doorstep with no other identification, like a scientist! And I have come to one overwhelming, some might say inconceivable, conclusion: Scientists will provide the underlying rational and foundation for a field of study and support it wholeheartedly, regardless of facts and experiments, if they are receiving exciting sexual favors, by attractive and interesting women, for expressing, supporting, and creating data for it, in close to 90% of the scientists we have entrapped with our experiments.

This is our science now, probably always has been 

While you might think that the lure of beer, cocaine and B-list porn stars would only attract a certain sort of scientist, under certain circumstances, according to my extensive research, you're 100% wrong. While 10% of scientists might have strong convictions, I think it is actually because they are sexually confused, and too uptight to even do a line off another scientists breasts, or even be cool with a scientist shotgunning half a beer and then spraying the rest of it on a female lab partner who is wearing only a white lab coat and skimpy loungerie, in their lab, home, where ever we thought we could do the best science, while taping it for blackmail purposes, or they were female scientists who were mysteriously immune to our unorthodox methods. 

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