Hurricane Matthews may have released Floridians into the wild

If you cut an adult Floridian in half, they will grow into two compete Floridians

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has cautioned Americans that Floridians, once isolated in America's most phallic state, might have been released into the wild and have already begun breeding outside of their natural range, or as one especially tenacious couple did, throughout the hurricane, eventually washing up in Galveston, where the female promptly spewed forth a full litter of 6-8 hydrapods, that, with the help of the moon, the tide, and government welfare, will grow into 350 pound specimens capable of eating their weight in shrimp at a single buffet, and capable of believing they can wrestle a fully grown crocodile. After Burmese pythons and lion fish were released into North American Eco systems after hurricane Andrew, ecologists warn that a full blown Floridian infestation in the Midwest, New England, or frankly, anywhere outside of the deep south, would come into conflict with local populations, with the aggressive and barely clad Floridians pushing out their more appropriate competition, and could supplant the local population in as few as 50 years, that is, unless they fail to adapt to cold winters, continuing to wear bathing suits and halter tops no matter the weather, in which case they will freeze to death, and that will be that.

Clinton Team: "We prepared for a lot worse"

After it became clear that Hillary Clinton would run for the office of President, and planned to use Bill Clinton as a crude maul to bash her way to inauguration, they had to open the biggest can of 90's worms in the pantry . To recap, from the 80's through the 90's Bill Clinton used his position as governor and then president to pressure women, most of whom he had direct power over, to preform sexual favors for him, and then used his wife and the Democratic party to justify these actions as harmless fun, and demonize the opposition for cock blocking the president. That is what we know.

Here the former President can be seen asking pop sensation Beyonce to "Touch it"

"Frankly, compared to what these women claimed, the President did a lot worse! He's not like JFK going after the pretty ones, or the famous ones, he just likes the ones he has power over, the man loves his [historical] slave-master role-playing" Said an anonymous 300Lbs African American maid the President has kept on his "personal staff" for over 30 years, and whose 7 children bare a striking resemblance to the former governor of Arkansas.

Hillary describing how "Bitches" who snitch get "stitches"

Hillary, who can only reach climax by watching her husband degrade other women, pointed out that Melanie Trump probably never, personally gas-lighted the daughter of a family friend into believing nothing ever happened, and definitely never "mulched a whore". A staffer from her campaign, who has since gone missing added " Honestly, at this point, we don't have enough pigs to get rid of all the bodies, we told her most of them won't talk, but I don't think its just about the cover up, I think she likes it" before a high pitched noise caused the staffer to flee in pain.

Speak like a Pirate Day 2016

Worm Heaven and Human Hell are the same place

This worms only regret is that he hadn't died sooner, while the person in front of him's primary regret is Usury

Pit of despair, or Ledo deck- In a shocking, but not altogether unexpected turn of events, necronauts have discovered Human Hell, first discovered in 1968 by Richard Nixon. While being further explored by the condemned and coerced, as no sane free man would enter of their own free will, and was noted for its giant carnivorous worms by the survivors of earlier expeditions. These large grotesque invertebrates seemed far more numerous than the semi-corporeal souls of the damned, whose physical selves are hacked at and consumed by the worms, before being regenerated anew the next day, which the now sentient worms celebrate with haunting hymns and rhythmic dance before the hunt is renewed again. This location also turned out to be where especially virtuous worms go when they die, taking on all the aspects they faintly yearned for in their tortured, but charitable lives. While the worst of humanity becomes their food and play thing. So as you can see, in death, the worm truly has turned.

The families of these necronauts will be well taken care of