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Board games:
Everyone knows that friends, family, fuck buddies the whole caboodle loves board games. Well we have a eye opening soul wrenching experience to set their souls straight. :
Runaway games-" I have to be home by 11pm, I'm going to sleep with a crack head."seems like a nightmare, it doesn't have to be. Teenage disobedience without remorse or sense has been a reality ever since we gave woman the right to vote. Regardless teenagers psychological health, their minds and bodies have been up for grabs for over a decade and here at Oedipal games we have worked tirelessly to find games to bring our generations disaffected youth together with their parents without weed or a court appointed attorney. '" You don't except my holistic dream vibe as scientific fact" no longer is a psychological act of war but a playful ploy to begin a game of "Runaway games" the board game for disaffected youth prone to trading in their easy suburban lives for one of degrading sex acts and substance abuse.

That's Our Hitler!!! [a rosy cheeked cartoon Hitler is pictured hugging a family on the box cover]- You're a Nazi, I'm a Nazi we are all Nazis!!! Since World War II the best way to end a discussion is to say "Thats what Hitler did' or "You believe that! Your Just like the Nazis" without mentioning that it seems like a singular anomaly for a political party to come to power in the most economically and socially rich country in the world to elect a supreme dictator who at first embarks on liberal programs such as universal health care, a revolutionary systems of transit and the prevention of cruelty to animals even garnering the Olympics only to embark on one of the most brutally decadent and insane programs of social cleansing ever imagined under the veil of World War. While other barbarise countries have done terrible things, I'm looking at you Russia, a Civilized and progressive government has yet to reach their depths to the same extreme, but that doesn't mean we aren't all a little like Hitler and a little like the Nazis and its time to point that out in Oedipal games favorite medium, the Board Game. Oh no you rolled snake eyes, now you have to sign a false confession or go to the spaces in the east! You landed on the Anne Frank house and must go into hiding, lose your next 3 turns, endless fun for the whole family, [cartoon Hitler bursts through Warner Brothers style ending Bumper]
don't make me inform the fun Gestapo because they have ways of making you play!

The Wolves...

Tesla’s America
By Joshua G. Pollack
Metatron the Divine Herald
I sit on high, the Divine herald of G-d, proclaiming his glory, narrating his Divine Comedy from the celestial partition. The winds are blowing from the east, a child wails in the distance. In front of the hearth sits two, one Nicolas Tesla drunk and despondent, two Mark Twain, the setting is Niagara Falls the turn of the century.

Nicola Tesla
I sold it you know

Mark Twain
Sold what

Tesla
The Death Ray, for 75 dollars and the promise to use it only for good, those Martians were persuasive. It seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Metatron
A wolf’s cry is heard in the distance, curdling blood, a short silence will be observed.

Twain
Do your hear the wolves

Tesla
Edison is on the prowl again, I can feel it, scheming in his New Jersey fortress, like a Walachian Vampire transplanted to the east coast, like Dracula…that was a very good book you know.

Twain
Thank you

Tesla
What?

Twain
Nothing

Tesla
I invented the alternating current you know

Twain
I invented the Atom Bomb you know

Tesla
What?

Twain
The things you can do on a sunny Sunday afternoon when the Curries are out, I was so bored.

Tesla
You know they say by the end of the twentieth century all known diseases will be cured by electricity.

Twain
Who needs to write books when you can harness the power of the Atom…

Tesla
The Tesla coil will be the savior of this new age of mankind…

Twain
Jules Vern ain’t got nothin on me

Tesla
Edison wear’s women’s clothing, did you know that

Metatron
Twain looks down dejectedly, fiddling with his thumbs wondering what he can say.

Twain
Yes, Yes I did know that

Tesla
Figures

Twain
What is that supposed to mean, it’s purely a comfort issue, and you’ll see in ten years everyone will be doing it

Tesla
Just another case of liberal reinformation

Metatron
The word Reinformation was first used in 1454 by the Venetian inventor Reduxious Informentii who saw the transformation of Haga Sophia and believed that information itself was being reinvented. This is of course impossible but it was a fun idea to play with like a mental bauble of questionable reality. Of course a definition for this impossibly constructed word remained elusive. So some believed that Reinformation would fade into histories scholarly depths, those people are called retards, we have special homes for them. The rest of us knew that Reinformation would once again raise its nebulous and improbable head. This is just one example of it.

Twain
What does Reinformation mean?

Tesla
You have asked a mouthful, to know it would be to read Webster’s dictionary and “ Get it” , to cry when somebody said “no, let me explain it again” knowing that the original explanation died in its birthing so future explanations could live, to change the term Reinformation into a continually changing Noun, Adverb, Adjective, verb, and dangling modifier. Its very nature, when understood, would be change. To know it is to break the surly bonds of human logic and touch the face of G-d… and then to have your hand crumble to dust as you are unclean and unfit.
Twain
Well, gee Mister Peabody thanks for the explanation

Tesla
What did you say?

Twain
The cursed dog, why does he torment me, him and his boy, only I can see him, studying me with his spectacled eyes, watching, studying me for weakness, judging my soul!!!

Metatron
They look at each other with distrust and hate and fear swimming through the room, as the ung-dly quiet begins to settle in, and the cold air circulates

Twain
G-d almighty it is getting cold, I am dieing, when I die I will not be mourned by loved ones but by my critics and detractors, knowing I can do no more harm

Tesla
When I die I shall not be mourned or remembered, I will not be in the history books with Bell or Edison, my only Eulogy will be by the G-men as they rifle through my papers looking for secret inventions and insights, cursing me for my lack of Posthumous ingenuity

Twain
Yours is worst

Tesla
Maybe I should go over Niagara in a barrel; at least my death would bring me fame

Twain
It is winter, it is frozen

Tesla
All the more crazy, the kind of quirky end that gets people like me into history books

Twain
I came to lecture

Tesla
I came to install my electric dynamo to harness the power of the Niagara

Twain
Yours is better

Tesla
You know when you said “did you hear the wolves” and I was silent, I lied

Twain
What?

Tesla
I hear the wolves every day of my life.

Twain
Me to

Metatron
The two geniuses’ loose themselves in the night fading to darkness as the Niagara swallows them in its undefended boarders. Twain would go onto die, his Atomic research unaccredited, and Tesla would die forgotten, and G-d laughs on high at the absurdity of it all, a long wail of a laugh, not unlike the cries of wolves.

[Close Curtains]
[Open Curtains with Metatron in trench coat]

Metatron
Telegram for a Mister Tesla, that’s a strange one Russian?

Tesla
Yugoslavian, who are you? What Telegram?

Metatron
Too many questions, here is the telegram, I must be going or no one will know what’s going on.
[Removes Trench coat and returns to his pedestal]
And the mysterious telegraphs men disappeared from the tavern.

Tesla
What? What is going on?

Twain
Not drinking men are you Tesla. Any good drinking American knows you open the letter and only question the circumstances if the contents are negative; I think that one comes from the Bible.

Tesla
[Laconically]
The American Bible.

Twain
Yes, the American Bible written by Jesus smith in Washington DC on July 4th 30 AD right before he took a stage coach to Jerusalem, that American Bible. Open the letter.

Tesla
Telegram
[Opens and reads the “Telegram”]
Yes, Yes! MY experimental blood test on the Edison samples came back, three different types, he is a vampire, or worst Windango…

Op-ed response: The Senator

Everyone knows that "Rabbi" Xander Shmoiglstein and Dr. Milton Osiris are enemies, right? Shmoiglsteins Ultra-Modern Orthodox movement stresses spirituality, the immortality of the human sole and tax cuts, while Osiris demands focus on corporal reality, existential truth and third trimester abortion rights. Every Sunday while good Christians are begging Jesus to do something about these guys, they smatter the talk show circuit in an endless dissemination of their morally bankrupt, corrupt and oddly sexually arousing ideologies. And now, its taken a half retarded reporter from Cleveland to expose the truth, that these "Gurus" are connected at the pocketbook ( "half-retarded" is not meant a dig against Dr. Newberry. I've met him many times, usually at twilight and under a shroud of mist and although twilight doesnt last for very long, if you run into someone over the course of a lot of twilights, which Dr. Newberry and I it seems have, you really get to know a guy, no matter how much shrouding mist there is. What I've learned is that he suffers from a very acute case of multiple personalities disorder or at least something very similar to it. His other personality is actually quite retarded, though very cute and lovable. So in essence I only mention it to further commend Dr. Newberry for triumphantly managing his disability and to condemn the media at large for being stupid as fuck). Sure when Osiris's Book "Shmoiglstein: Fool or Madman" came out followed shortly after by Shmoiglstein's " Lying liers and the lier king, the lying fish and the lying dove and fuck you Osiris" it look liked an old fashion, political/ pseudo-philosophical grudge match for two men's who's charisma far outshines any expertise that they may or may not have in anything, at all. Then, fifty four combined books, twenty eight lecture series, seventeen themed vacation retreat events, non-stop coverage, full exposure, leaked photos, secret memos, untold numbers of "-gate" suffixed scandals and a record breaking payperview, no holds barred cage match hosted by the WWE, these "enemies" have generated billions of dollars, global fame, an absurd amount of political influence and a free small frosty with every large sized frosty that they pay full price for, an offer most American's have to get coupons for from buying french fries. Now their alliance is exposed in the largest and only literal and metaphorical pyramid scheme ever perpetrated. When asked why no action has been taken, a Federal prosecutor talking to "Bunker Life Weekly" stated," look if we can't get this guy (Shmoiglstein) on the numerous and diverse counts of sexual misconduct that he has been unceasingly accused of by an ever increasing number of women, a charge so obviously consistent with his reputation, with his behavior and with his youthful yet, fatherly good looks, do you really think the public is going to bite at the suggestion of an obscure and frankly ridiculous sounding conspiracy, the truth of the matter of which would be almost impossible to establish in the noise of the whirlwind of the spin that would surround it?" The reporter from "Bunker Life" reportedly then laughed at the anonymous Federal prosecutor, as I to will right now, hahahaha, ok that's Enough!

Shocking News: Rabbi X indicated on massive Jewish Slavery ring

Brooklyn, NY- It came to our attention early Tuesday morning that, "Rabbi X" the leading voice of Ultra-Modern Orthodox Jews has begun selling massive burial pyramids to his congregation in order to bolster his building fund. Our source in Brooklyn, the Senator, brought this to our attention after he received a series of Brochures accidentally delivered to his Williamsburg "shag den." In addition to a series of diagrams and illustrations the basic text of the document went as such:

"Are you uncomfortable with the idea that after you die your body will rot and dissipate into the cold and unforgiving earth? Does it bother you how such a process is symbolic for the more abstract process of the memory of your presence on earth eventually and inevitably being forgotten? Some people want you to believe that through inward focus and spiritual awakening you can simply make these nagging and terrifying realities float away, much as cookie dough relieves the anguish of solitude for the lonely. But for us, the more rational and realistic, we realize that it takes something much sturdier, physically larger and of course more extravagantly expensive. I'm Dr. Milton Osiris of Dr. Osiris's Pyramids and Pyramid supplies. Here at O.P.P. we offer you a very simple historical reality, pyramids have been around for a long ass time. What other burial structures have stood the test of time like pyramids? Crypts? Caves? Perhaps Mounds? Perhaps, but is that how you want to manifest your quasi-eternal physical self manifestation? Its up to you would you rather be known as the guy buried in the mound or the man entombed in the Pyramid of Osiris. Face it nothing beats the classic desert pyramid, built with real old timey stone by real Jewish Slaves...cough, cough... I mean by real muti-ethnic slaves."

While the idea of extravagant burial is nothing new the last line of the brochure demanded additional inquiry. After finding most of the states legal slave markets closed for almost two centuries I realized that his sources must be illegal and sought to enlist my good friend, and dirty work professional, the Fellonist to tap the rabbi's telegraph, which he uses to avoid alien interference and interception, but whose security is no match for the Fellonist, and last night we finally hit pay dirt with the following message from Dr. Osiris, the business associate and personal physician of Rabbi X:

"X[stop] Need more Hebrew mind slaves [stop] wraith of vengeful God slowing production [stop] i saw your kids pics on facebook [stop] Raizil Shmilza is getting so big [stop] "

While Raizil Shmilza is becoming quiet the big girl, the proof that Rabbi X has been involved in a ancient cults burial practices and the enslavement of his own community has lead to local politician vowing to "look into this matter further," which I am sure means a full range of Golf course Jokes and mild mannered banter on the subject until it can be safely swept under the rug. Though the leadership has been less the proactive in shutting down these illegal activities it has yet to be seen whether or not there Will be a public outcry on the subject...